HE SAID, SHE SAID
J. Robert Lennon once said that if you really want to know how to write convincing dialogue, you should set up shop at a coffee shop, or diner, or other locale and write down exactly what people say, exactly how they say it. That technique alone, he said, will help a writer generate more convincing dialogue.
THE DISAPPEARED needed dialogue help, as my helpful and honest friend Colleen pointed out to me (see post about how important it is to have people review your work). She said the dialogue was often the same for everyone – that it wasn’t always clear that different people were speaking.
Case in point is a scene between Paige and her boyfriend, Philip. He shows up on her doorstep after dissing her. In a nutshell, he’s supposed to be selfish and aloof, but still wants to get laid. She’s trying to figure out what’s going on. Here’s the first version:
“You look amazing,” he said.
“You look … tired,” I said, feeling too raw to be dishonest.
“I know,” he sighed, leaning in toward me. “I know.”
After Colleen’s input, here are the revisions:
“You look hot,” he said.
“You look … tired,” I said, feeling too raw to be dishonest.
“Heh,” he half-laughed, “I know.”
These subtle changes make Philip seem so much younger. They also better convey a bit of his shallow personality. And it seems like two different people are talking. I’m not saying it’s perfect, but I am saying it’s better.
Good dialogue is hard. I found this little tutorial online by Robert J. Sawyer and liked it. So I’m sharing it.
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