~~~Lara Zielin~~~

STATUS:Totally digging Steven Speilberg. China is a walking human rights disaster and Speilberg finally pointed out the emperor has no clothes.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: The 3day.org site, which has information on a 60-mile walk to raise funds for breast cancer research. Yours truly (and a shiny, happy colleague) will be participating this September.

I love that the little beagle Uno won Best in Show at Westminster, but now I’m worried that everyone and their brother will want a beagle as a pet. They’re deliciously cute as puppies, but they’re a ridiculously challenging breed. I know this because I own one. So, seriously, if you know anyone considering the purchase of a beagle, please have them stop and really, really consider whether this is the breed for them. Because, among other things, they’ll need to:

- Have huge amounts of space for the beagle to run around in, and be willing to exercise said beagle all the time. Twice a day at minimum. For the first year, anticipate that your dog will never be tired. Not once.

- Listen to howling. Beagles are vocal. You will lose sleep. Accept this now.

- Come to terms that you will be ignored, and discipline won’t be easy. To say beagles are stubborn is to say Britney has problems, which doesn’t begin to describe the drama and difficulty, which your neighbors will witness as your own breed (pardon the pun) of local paparazzi.

- Understand that loyalty is almost nonexistent. The mailman? Your beagle loves them more than you the minute they see them walking in the distance. Those other people at the dog park? Just anticipate that your dog will spend more time with them than you. This just isn’t a loyal breed.

Of course there are up-sides to owning a beagle. When I think of them I’ll post them. Just kidding. We love our dog — he’s happy, fun, cute as a button, and cuddly at night when he’s tired. We are dedicated dog owners but it’s been a long road with lots of challenges. We even had Amos up for adoption for a bit, and a wonderful family took him in but eventually brought him back. So we figured that was the universe telling us this was our dog and we’d just better learn to live with him. Ultimately, that was the right thing for us to do. But I wish someone had told me at the outset what owning a beagle would really be like.

STATUS: As Rob’s niece Lily would say, “becited.”

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: A hipper-than-me co-worker didn’t watch the Grammy’s either, but he still sent me this link. Something about Daft Punk and Kanye’s glasses being way cool. Crazy kid.

Today’s blog is an open letter to Ellen DeGeneres, who we hope picks us to win her Highway to Ellen road trip. After viewing the compelling evidence below, I don’t see how she wouldn’t be able to [hand in air, waving frantically] pick us! pick us!

Dear Ellen,

My name is Lara Zielin. You may know me from such books as Help! I’ve Been Captured, a mystery novella I penned in second grade, and my role as “girl in pink sweatshirt for one second on-screen” in the movie How Clarence Became Truly Normal. I am so excited to write to you today because I know that Elena, Sarah, Shyeilla and I will be fabulous road trippers if you put us on your show for the Highway to Ellen contest. You may ask, how can this writer/actor/woman know such a thing? Ellen, if you were the judge in Road Trip Court, then you would have to pronounce all of us guilty of prior road trips, and sentence us to life … behind Mars!

Elena and Sarah crash-landed in Roswell on our last road trip — the one we took in 1998 during our senior year of college. We took our time going from Minnesota to Tucson and back, making a stop at the Alien Capital of the World. If you’ve never eaten a green sucker in the shape of an alien head, let me tell you, it’s out of this world! Bah ha.

Sometime during our road trip, we drove out to the middle of nowhere and stood in four states at once. There is a Simpson’s where Homer does the exact same thing, over and over again, never tiring of it. Call us simpletons, but it took us a long time to get over the raging excitement of being in four places at the same time.

I’m in New Mexico! No wait, Arizona! Catch me in Utah if you can!

We are responsible road trippers who never ever would pick up a hitch-hiker. Not even Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise — or whatever the 2008 version of that would be. Maybe, um, McDreamy thumbing it just outside of Seattle. But no, not even a cute doctor needing a ride at the boundary of a safe and hip city could entice us to stop. No siree. We would, however, brake for some friends from the Stone Age.

And while we’re sooper excited about the prospect of driving a GM cross-country, I’m not sure anyone should underestimate the fun of powering a wooden vehicle … with their feet.

But maybe the best part of the road trip was all the thought we were able to put into our future careers. After all, as college seniors, we would be facing the trials of the real world in mere months, and we needed to have a plan.

On the left, Sarah is clearly considering a career in Russian studies. That’s vodka in her purse. In the middle, Shyeilla is ready for a pair of scissors and some gold platform shoes to Beyonce herself into a career. And Elena — well, clearly she is getting in touch with her Latina roots, thinking about opening a restaurant serving heaping spoonfuls of chili con crack-up.

Then again, none of us are afraid of crossing boundaries into careers traditionally dominated by men.

Though, to be fair, no one lights our fire like you, Ellen.

We might not have stopped at the most traditional outposts on our road trip, but every place we went we had fun, and we appreciated everything that was right in front of us — big or small, mainstream or quirky, silly or serious. For many years of my life, I looked back on that road trip and thought about how those days were the happiest and freest I’d ever felt. It would be such a blessing to be able to do it again, ten years later, as our 10th college reunion appears right around the corner. But not matter what, Ellen, we love you and your show and the great things you do for the world. And what a world it is!

STATUS: For maybe the first time ever
in the history of my life, I’m glad I don’t look like Nicole Kidman.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: News that the writers’ strike may be over and done with soon. I’ve missed you, Jim and Pam!

In the book EAT, PRAY, LOVE (buy it if you haven’t read it — seriously), the author goes to Bali and meets a spiritual guru who tells her to meditate by smiling at her liver. Today at work, the office brought in an expert with a similar philosophy. The expert exposed us all to the benefits of laughing, even if we don’t think something is particularly funny. Translated, it meant we all stood around in the foyer and fake laughed (awkwardly, I might add) until — lo and behold – the situation actually became funny. By the end, I had tears rolling down my face and was holding my sides, hardly able to breathe. The expert’s point was that if you throw laughter at a situation, your perspective can change. Even if something doesn’t start out being funny, after a few minutes of laughing — even if it’s not “real” laughter, your body still experiences the benefits — things might look a little brighter. So laugh on, Wayne. Laugh on, Garth.

STATUS:Psyched that Mitt Romney is out of the presidential race. He had good hair, but that’s where his goodness ends. Huckaflee has vowed to stay in, which means maybe I’ll actually sell some t-shirts. Woo hoo!

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Kirk sent me this video of Madonna’s new song with Justin Timberlake and Timbala, and used Tyra’s fave word, “fierce,” to describe it.

When I was in high school, I had a “quote board” in my bedroom, which was essentially a big piece of cardboard, on which I wrote funny and meaningful things that friends and some celebrities (mostly Bono) said. I have been thinking of the quote board lately because, for whatever reason, I’ve heard a lot of funny (and maybe a little bit meaningful) things lately. So today, my blog is the new quote board. Feel free to add your own if you got ‘em!

“You had me at number 7: car dancing.” – Elena’s husband, Joel, on our awesome Ellen Road Trip entry (see previous post).

I have three kids and no money. I wish I had no kids and three money. – Homer Simpson

With all due respect, this is like trying to pick a side between SARS and Ebola. – Letter to the Editor of New York magazine about an article comparing Starbucks’ and Dunkin’ Donuts’ coffee.

Microsoft taking over Yahoo is beyond anything I could have imagined. It’s a wet dream brought to life. – Fake Steve Jobs

I’m just bewildered that normal life sucks this much. – A friend with a McJob

A friend on the recent UFO sightings in Texas:

Maybe the UFO is here to get Kucinich, or better yet, they are going to stick around to see who wins the election and then will be willing to take people who want to migrate out (see: Cocoon). Or they’re roaming the universe looking for new music, like the rest of us (see: Close Encounters of the Third Kind). Or they’re doing reconn to:

A) enslave us all (see: The X-files)
B) kill us all and take our planet (see: Independence Day, Signs)
C) usher us into an era of exploration, peace (see: First Contact, Contact)
D) lookin for love (see: Earth Girls Are Easy).

STATUS: So! Excited!

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: “Highway to Ellen” because that’s totally going to be US!

Okay, deep breath. Y’all ready for this? My college roomate Elena loves Ellen DeGeneres. Actually, love isn’t the right word for the depth and height of emotion she feels for Ellen. So when Ellen started up a road trip contest, Elena had to enter. And the peeps she decided to take along on the road trip were those of us who road-tripped with her during an epic adventure to Tucson and back (with lots of stops in between) during spring break in college. Within minutes of submitting the application, THE ELLEN SHOW CALLED ELENA. I’m not even making this up. They asked her lots of questions and seemed to be feeling her out as a contestant — but omg, they called! We all have a really great feeling about this. How awesome would a road trip to the Ellen show be? I can hardly stand to think about it, I’m so excited! Woo hoo!