HIGHWAY TO ELLEN — PART II
STATUS: As Rob’s niece Lily would say, “becited.”
FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: A hipper-than-me co-worker didn’t watch the Grammy’s either, but he still sent me this link. Something about Daft Punk and Kanye’s glasses being way cool. Crazy kid.
Today’s blog is an open letter to Ellen DeGeneres, who we hope picks us to win her Highway to Ellen road trip. After viewing the compelling evidence below, I don’t see how she wouldn’t be able to [hand in air, waving frantically] pick us! pick us!
Dear Ellen,
My name is Lara Zielin. You may know me from such books as Help! I’ve Been Captured, a mystery novella I penned in second grade, and my role as “girl in pink sweatshirt for one second on-screen” in the movie How Clarence Became Truly Normal. I am so excited to write to you today because I know that Elena, Sarah, Shyeilla and I will be fabulous road trippers if you put us on your show for the Highway to Ellen contest. You may ask, how can this writer/actor/woman know such a thing? Ellen, if you were the judge in Road Trip Court, then you would have to pronounce all of us guilty of prior road trips, and sentence us to life … behind Mars!
Elena and Sarah crash-landed in Roswell on our last road trip — the one we took in 1998 during our senior year of college. We took our time going from Minnesota to Tucson and back, making a stop at the Alien Capital of the World. If you’ve never eaten a green sucker in the shape of an alien head, let me tell you, it’s out of this world! Bah ha.
Sometime during our road trip, we drove out to the middle of nowhere and stood in four states at once. There is a Simpson‘s where Homer does the exact same thing, over and over again, never tiring of it. Call us simpletons, but it took us a long time to get over the raging excitement of being in four places at the same time.
I’m in New Mexico! No wait, Arizona! Catch me in Utah if you can!
We are responsible road trippers who never ever would pick up a hitch-hiker. Not even Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise — or whatever the 2008 version of that would be. Maybe, um, McDreamy thumbing it just outside of Seattle. But no, not even a cute doctor needing a ride at the boundary of a safe and hip city could entice us to stop. No siree. We would, however, brake for some friends from the Stone Age.
And while we’re sooper excited about the prospect of driving a GM cross-country, I’m not sure anyone should underestimate the fun of powering a wooden vehicle … with their feet.
But maybe the best part of the road trip was all the thought we were able to put into our future careers. After all, as college seniors, we would be facing the trials of the real world in mere months, and we needed to have a plan.
On the left, Sarah is clearly considering a career in Russian studies. That’s vodka in her purse. In the middle, Shyeilla is ready for a pair of scissors and some gold platform shoes to Beyonce herself into a career. And Elena — well, clearly she is getting in touch with her Latina roots, thinking about opening a restaurant serving heaping spoonfuls of chili con crack-up.
Then again, none of us are afraid of crossing boundaries into careers traditionally dominated by men.
Though, to be fair, no one lights our fire like you, Ellen.
We might not have stopped at the most traditional outposts on our road trip, but every place we went we had fun, and we appreciated everything that was right in front of us — big or small, mainstream or quirky, silly or serious. For many years of my life, I looked back on that road trip and thought about how those days were the happiest and freest I’d ever felt. It would be such a blessing to be able to do it again, ten years later, as our 10th college reunion appears right around the corner. But not matter what, Ellen, we love you and your show and the great things you do for the world. And what a world it is!
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