WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU
STATUS: According to the Weather Channel, I should barely be alive. That’s how terrible the snowstorm in Michigan is right now. Rob and I stocked up on white bread, Velveeta and firewood. If it comes to it, we’ve decided we’ll eat the kitteh because she’ll probably taste the best out of all of us. But Rob did give me that look like, mmmm, you’d be good with butter.
FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: A parody of Calvin & Hobbes called Calvin & Jobs. As in Steve Jobs. As in hi-larious.
I don’t know about anyone else out there, but I’ve already eaten way, way too much this holiday season. Yesterday at work? It was insane. Cheesecake, cookies, chocolate, pistachios — and that was just work. Rob’s been baking pies, and we’ve been feeding friends and family like crazy. As well as going out. So this little reminder that I uncovered in my “early writings of brilliance” folder was timely. It’s called “What is good for you!” and, well, it really just oozes wisdom.
Orngs and appls are bad for you! Ice creem is god so good! Some things are good, and some things are bad. Grapes are good for you! Candy is not! Fruits are good! Pop sickels are bad! Some things are good and some things are bad! You can make you sick! Some-peploe have goton sick! I canot boleave thet pepole have goton sick. Onges are good for you! Slop thare gos the onnges blod! [I have no idea what that means, otherwise I'd offer a translation.] Bad and good foods! Eat good not bad-foods! Stay a live and how to do that? Eat bad foods!
4 Responses to “WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU”
December 19th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Hilarious. I love the snippets of writing from your youth. I have to know– about how old were you?
December 19th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I think I was around eight or so. Maybe a little older. I wish I knew for certain!
December 22nd, 2008 at 7:38 pm
You make me larf so hard. Larf, as in crap-I’m-laughing-and-I-can’t-stop-and-also-can’t-breathe-oh-dear. More, more!
January 7th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Your youthful writing is filled with such word play. It could be an Escher painting the way you play with logic. Oranges are bad. Except that they’re good. Fruits are good, but you should eat bad foods to stay alive. And clearly, the “ice cream is god” is not a typo.
Have you submitted a book of the early writings of Lara Zielin to Larry and Susanna? There must be a six-figure advance in such a thing!