Lara Zielin

STATUS: Sorely disappointed with the season finale of Top Chef. Hosea Hoschmea.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: I’d like to add Hosea to this list of Things I Want to Punch in the Face.

I’m attempting to break into a new genre, romance, (cue the soft lighting and strains of violin music), and to help me along in the process my agent recommended I join the Romance Writers of America. So, I went ahead and signed up and, I gotta say, the tips and advice that they offer on the site to writers trying to break into romance are applicable to any genre. There are articles on how to create dynamic characters, how to keep a scene moving, how to … well, how to do just about anything if you’re trying to write a book. I love this site. Truly. What a treasure trove of information. Even if you’re not a romance writer, it has enormous value. Consider signing up for sure.

Anyone want awesome FREE art for their house or apartment? Then participate in artist John Tebeau’s new contest. Tell him why you love a particular musician or song and if you win, he’ll paint your fave musician for you — for free! His work rules (see left) and so does this fun little challenge.

STATUS: Waiting for a sighting of Hilary Swank who is on campus shooting a movie.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: The amazing Elizabeth Gilbert on creativity and genius. The whole thing takes about 20 minutes to watch, but is so worth it!

So, last night as I was watching the Oscars, it occurred to me that if you simply bedazzled the poo out of the horrid scale/botanical dress Kenley made on last season’s Project Runway ….

… you’d have what Miley Cyrus wore last night on the red carpet.

Right?

STATUS: So! Excited! For the Oscars! Woo hoo!

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Can I please have every apron on this site? The photography alone is a work of art.

Writers pay a lot of attention to the first five pages of their books, and with good reason. They’ll make or break you with an editor or agent. If you can’t nail your voice and hook a reader by page five, it’s hard to stay out of the slush pile. Having just penned a draft of a book that, in my mind, might start a little slow, I’m on the prowl for books that begin with a bang. And boy did I ever find one. My friend Karen loaned me Ask for a Convertible, a series of YA short stories by Danit Brown and, let me tell you, the first paragraph just about knocked me over it was so good. I’m pasting it here so you all can read it. I hope the author won’t mind. And I strongly encourage anyone who reads this to get your hands on this author’s writing. Go, Danit!

DESCENT

When Osnat’s grandmother came to visit, she brought Osnat underwear and socks, bananas and eggs fresh from the lool. “Eat a banana,” she said. “Come on. Eat a banana. Eat it. Eat a banana. Eat it. Eat a banana. Eat a banana. Eat it. Eat a banana.” She was crazy. Osnat’s parents knew she was crazy, but they yelled at her anyway. “Quit it with the bananas. She doesn’t want a banana.” Osnat’s grandmother smiled. Her eyes were blue, but her skin was brown and shriveled. She grabbed Osnat’s head and kissed the top of it over and over. “Muah muah muah muah muah. Come on. Eat a banana. Eat it. Eat a banana. Eat a banana.”

STATUS: Rising like Lazarus after three days of the flu.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Karaoke is so often painful, but this takes it to new levels.

One of the questions I get a lot is whether or not an author can go back to an agent who has said no to them and try, try again. I guess the answer depends on the manner in which you re-ask them, and if you’ve worked at improving your book.

If you haven’t significantly altered (read: improved) your book, then don’t waste the agent’s time. If they said no to your book once, they’ll say it again.

But if you have edited your manuscript and if you really feel that it’s improved, then a second query might be in order.

But before you re-query, consider the following:

First, the timing. If it’s been a week since your last query, forget about it. You can’t revise an entire book in a week. You just can’t. But if it’s been a few months and you’ve been working diligently on it, then the door might be open a crack.

Second, consider whether or not you want to introduce yourself under the same title. If the book has been revised enough, you may want to tweak you query letter, change the title, and have the agent look at it with fresh eyes. I’m not advocating dishonesty here. The reality is that agents are swamped with queries, and they likely won’t connect your first query with your second. There’s no harm in that IF (big IF!!) you’ve worked hard on your book and revised it since your initial query.

Third, you may want to consider keeping the title and asking the agent, up-front, for a second shot. Write them a note and say you’ve been working hard on the ms and you would like another chance. Make it funny, or make it punchy, or make it engaging — but whatever you do, write it in a way that gets their attention and makes them say, yeah, this person’s worth another shot. (I personally have done this and it’s worked. Before I was picked up by LJK, I was rejected by an agency I really wanted to be with, then re-queried them a few months later with the same ms. They agreed to a second look and rejected it again. Ultimately, when LJK picked me up, it was on a second read. Susanna, my agent, was really, really gracious and nice and didn’t have to pick up my book a second time. She could have told me to get lost. I count my blessings every day that she did. But I had worked darn hard on making that second read worth her while.)

If you get rejected by the agent a second time, I wouldn’t advocate asking for a third read. You might just piss them off at that point. Instead, go back to the drawing board, figure out what needs to be done to make your book work (ha! If it was only that easy), and then maybe look at a different agent. If you can only imagine yourself with one agent in the whole world and you must get in with them, then write a different book and submit that. An agent reading a work twice is gracious. Three times … I wouldn’t push it.

STATUS: Still in my jammies. It’s pretty freaking awesome, I gotta say.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Bacon haikus!

A few people have asked me about book advances lately, so I thought I’d blog about them a bit. Because the big question is always, “How much will I get for my book if it sells?”

First, for those who might not know, an advance is the money your publisher gives you up front for your book. It counts against your royalties, so you have to earn it back in sales.

Which means there are a couple of ways to look at advances. I mean, we all want that six-figure (or seven-figure) contract for our book. But the thing is, if you get a huge advance, you have to sell a crapload of books to earn it back, and that can be downright stressful. In the case of Charles Fraser’s second book, Thirteen Moons, he got an $8-million advance, and I think he’ll probably be paying it off for the rest of his life. The book didn’t do so hot. Bummer for him. Granted, he still got $8 million, but next time around? Who knows. He’ll be lucky if his publisher still wants to work with him.

Then there’s the other category of books that get some money upfront, but then sell really well and earn out their advances. The author is earning royalties in his/her sleep. Like J.K. Rowling, for example.

So what can be expected? What’s normal for a book?

Well, when it looked like I might get an offer on Donut Days, I asked my agent this same question: What did she expect the offer would look like if it came in? Her response was that it’s almost impossible to tell.  At the time I was disappointed with the answer but now I know, she’s right — every book is different. What’s more, there has been some question about shrinking advances now that so many book publishers are having a hard time financially. I talked to a writer friend recently who had almost finished a contracted manuscript, only to have the book publisher pull the title and say they weren’t going to publish it.

That said, books are still being sold to publishers, and advances are still being given out. And there are some benchmarks.

A google search turned up the page of Tobias S. Buckell and his survey information on advances. He breaks down the data (culled from 108 authors) in great ways, such as those authors who are agented versus not, and also by genre. Very smart guy.

Author Justine Larbaleister also offers some general advance info on her website.

The bottom line is it all depends on what you’re writing, if it’s a first novel, if you’re agented … a host of things. The websites above offer some good data and you can probably guess where you’ll hit on the spectrum, but it could also wind up being very different than you think.

I wish it was more concrete than that but, well, that’s the business.