~~~Lara Zielin~~~

Romance novel revised and sent off to agent? Check. Warm, gooey brownie fresh from oven consumed after lunch? Check. Off to the mall to look for shoes? Check. This day possibly vying for top ten best days ever? Check check.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Katie, this one is for you! It’s a game like Boggle, only it has cute penguins and the words pop! It’s called, fittingly, Must Pop Words. Everyone must try it! Also, iPhone app, pleeeeeze!

I guess, like every other person in the world with some space on the interwebz, I am going to blog about JULIE AND JULIA. I still have not seen the movie. But I just got done with the book the other day.

I agree with most reviewers that Julie Powell is self-centered and kind of annoying. But I love her anyway because a.) aren’t we all, kind of ? and b.) she brought it so real in the book. And if people don’t like her, then I say there’s probably something about Julie that reminds them of themselves, and that’s what’s needling them. Of course, that’s just my two-bit psychology for you.

The other reason I love Julie is because her book has inspired me to think about possibilities. Like, the woman engaged in an almost insurmountable task, which nearly drove her mad, then got paid a boat-load of money to turn the whole experience into a book. Then, she got more money for a second book, in which she becomes a butcher. Temp jobs no more for our friend Julie. She now has the financial freedom to write everyday in her pajamas. (For those of you who don’t know, this is also my dream.)

I’m also thinking a lot about EAT, PRAY, LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert — one of my fave books of all time. Girlfriend got a huuuge advance to go travel around the world while nursing her heartache. Um, could a publisher have paid me to do that post-divorce? Heck yeah.

So, this has me thinking: If all bets were off and I could convince a publisher to pay me to do X for a year (or, heck, I’d take six months) how would I solve for X?

I have a close friend who already knows the answer to this question. When she was emailing me about it recently, I never once thought I too would be contemplating such an adventure. Just goes to show you there can be lots of stuff rattling around in your subconscious without you knowing it. It might take a book like JULIE AND JULIA to bring it out.

So, friends: tell me in your own words. If you could convince a publisher to pay you to do X for a year, how would you solve for X?

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: I’m a sucker for the cute kitteh videos, and this one really got me. Kitteh eats and cries because it can’t shovel the food in fast enough. Slay me.

Are you looking for a free copy of DONUT DAYS? Well, never fear: there are a couple contests running right now, and it’s easy to enter and be eligible to get a free book. The first contest is being held by the fabulous Joelle Anthony, who was nice enough to host me on her fab blog, which you can read here. You have until August 27 to enter and win!

And the awesome Rebecca over at Number One Novels is also hosting a giveaway, which doesn’t end until August 30. So you still have lots of time to enter and win!

Good luck, and happy reading!

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: At this site you can turn your full name into an anagram. Mine is Amaze Sillier Snail. Hee!

I have many thoughts. One of them entails trying to encourage the suits in Hollywood to re-imagine a handful of films in order to better reach the little-serviced audience of grammarians, librarians, and editors. Here’s a look at what I think should be on the table. And if you have any of your own, please share in the comments.

Pulp Diction
A series of stories, often interweaving, showcasing the seedy but oddly hilarious underbelly of Scrabble addiction and creative nonfiction. At one point, a renegade librarian turns around in the car to chat with a patron and unwittingly stabs the patron in the eye with a book-scanning wand.

Swordplay
Like the wildly successful (*coughs*) documentary Wordplay, the premise of Swordplay would be exactly the same, except that Daniel Okrent, Will Shortz, and Neal Conan would all appear naked.

The Dark Sprite
Gotham is overrun by pixies, vampires, lolcats, werewolves and werechickens. The mousy-but-beautiful librarian falls for her childhood friend and the film’s hero, Bruce Blain, who must fight with his brains, not his fists, because his last name is also symbolic of his physical condition. Chaste but passionate scenes ensue. Corsets make a comeback.

Bookfellas
Gangsters work their way up the chain of Google Books, showcasing both the horror and humanity of digital archiving. Yarn and needles are common ways to off a bitch, though the protagonist is cautioned, “You don’t take knit from nobody.”

The Brining
At a remote lodge in the woods, an evil presence influences a woman who just wants to do some canning. Her ensuing madness causes her to eat too much kraut and obsess about composting her garden. She eventually begins chanting, “greenthumb, greenthumb.…”

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: This story, which the Minneapolis Star Tribune ran about fellow Penguin author Sarah Quigley and me! Awesomeness!

So, this photo? I heart it so. It’s of the unstoppable, infatigable, force-of-nature author Cynthea Liu (PARIS PAN TAKES THE DARE is out in stores now, just sayin’) and me at the ALA conference in Chicago last month. Girlfriend is eating donuts with me while reading DONUT DAYS! I love her! I has a luv for thes photos!

PS: Dunkin’ Donuts, you owe me SO BIG for all the free advertising I’m giving you. It wouldn’t kill you to put a sister on your Facebook page or something. Hint freaking hint.

Dear Brett,

You know me from that time we met in my head. You entered the room wearing Levis and no shirt, and I’d just finished eating a bowl of nachos covered in Wisconsin cheese. It was the greatest fantasy ever. And then you had to go and ruin  it by signing with the Vikings.

The Vikings.

As in Minnesota. As in the most ridonkulous, loser team this side of the Lions.

I thought you were supposed to be retired, yo. I thought your career was over. I thought going to New York was enough of a Charlie Foxtrot for you. Apparently, I thought wrong.

I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I’m washing my hands of you. Nay, I’m getting out the St. Ives body scrub (on sale at Target for those of us who didn’t just get $12 million for letting the devil suck out our soul like a flipping Death Eater) and rinsing my whole self of you. For good.

Have fun in Minnesota, you 40-year-old, wishy-washy, fantasy-ending pigskinbot. I hope you get shut out of the locker room in January in your stupid Hanes tighty-whities and freeze your hotdish off.

Sincerely,
Lara

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Awesome author Rhonda Stapleton tweeted about this romance review yesterday and, oh lawdy, I almost peed my pants reading it.

I am just about doing the electric slide of happiness because people out there in the world are reading DONUT DAYS and super, duper digging it! Here are some of the shiny, happy reviews that have already come in:

Jamie at Totally The Bomb called DONUT DAYS “…one of those stories that I sat down to read, and didn’t get up until it was finished. I love those sorts of books!”

The reviewer at SereneHours loved DONUT DAYS combination of humor and heft. “I adored Donut Days so much. It’s a story that exudes both cuteness and profundity. If you’re on a reading crisis this will for sure be your cure. It got me hooked at first words and I just couldn’t help reading on and on.”

Kate at Read This Book was surprised by the many references to God, but she didn’t let that stop her. “Lara Zielin has crafted a story with characters so full of life and with unique voices. Her debut novel will appeal to the young adult crowd as well as adults looking for something with a little of everything. Donut Days is a truly memorable and engaging read.”

And Sharon, who Loves Books and Cats, thought the book was both hunger-inducing and entertaining. “DONUT DAYS is a very compelling and thought provoking book. With interwoven themes of religion and friendship, DONUT DAYS is so much more than a book about a girl who likes to eat donuts.”

Or: what I really learned when I wrote my first book

That’s the title of an article I wrote that Facenews.org (my fave new news site!) published and you can read it here if you want. Here’s a taste to whet your appetites:

I used to daydream in color about what would happen when my debut young adult novel hit bookshelves. I would get recognized at Borders. Sixteen-year-old girls would write me and say, “Your novel changed my life.” Stephen King would dust off all those letters I wrote him as a gawky teenager (because he totally saved them) and he’d phone me to say, “I knew you had talent, even then.”

The reality, not surprisingly, is a lot different.

I guess it’s official! The news was announced yesterday on Publisher’s Lunch: My second novel, PROMGATE, will come out in summer 2011 from Putnam! Woo to the hoo, y’all!

The book centers around the fallout when a pregnant teen is elected prom queen in a small Midwestern town. It’s loosely based on events that happened in my Wisconsin high school when I was a sophomore.

I’m about peeing my pants I’m so excited! Squee!

They say there are no coincidences.

In this case, I say they’re right.

Currently I’m reading JERK, CALIFORNIA by Jonathan Friesen. The main character, among issues, has Tourette Syndrome. (And no, it’s not Tourette’s, possessive. It’s singular. I learned this the hard way. See story, below.)

JERK is cool, but I didn’t think too much of it until I saw a Tweet from writer/blogger Joelle Anthony:

I’m begging you all, STOP USING TOURETTE JOKES IN YOUR BOOKS. http://tinyurl.com/l8uuv5 You look like an idiot and it puts me off your book.

The Tweet stopped me cold. I mean, cold.

I had used a Tourette joke in my book. And here I was reading a YA book about how challenging Tourette Syndrome is for teens especially, and I’d never even thought about my own work.

A one point in DONUT DAYS, Emma’s best friend, Nat, tells her people at church who can’t stop talking smack about others have “Biblical Tourette’s.” And, yep, I used it incorrectly, which I found out by clicking on the link Joelle shared.

Well, did I ever feel like a jackass. I mean, I consider myself educated, relatively sensitive, and here I was making fun of someone’s disability in my book.

I’d never thought about it. Not once. Not until Joelle’s Tweet.

I’m so glad I saw it and, moving forward, I’ll run my words through a better sensitivity filter. Not just about Tourette Syndrome, but about everything. Here I am, thinking my writing is enjoyable for teens and helping them on some level, when really, I could be hurting or offending them.

Not my goal. And it’s time to change.

I can’t speak for my peers, but this YA author will never make that mistake again.