IN WHICH I GIVE BRETT FAVRE A PIECE OF MY MIND
Dear Brett,
You know me from that time we met in my head. You entered the room wearing Levis and no shirt, and I’d just finished eating a bowl of nachos covered in Wisconsin cheese. It was the greatest fantasy ever. And then you had to go and ruin it by signing with the Vikings.
The Vikings.
As in Minnesota. As in the most ridonkulous, loser team this side of the Lions.
I thought you were supposed to be retired, yo. I thought your career was over. I thought going to New York was enough of a Charlie Foxtrot for you. Apparently, I thought wrong.
I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I’m washing my hands of you. Nay, I’m getting out the St. Ives body scrub (on sale at Target for those of us who didn’t just get $12 million for letting the devil suck out our soul like a flipping Death Eater) and rinsing my whole self of you. For good.
Have fun in Minnesota, you 40-year-old, wishy-washy, fantasy-ending pigskinbot. I hope you get shut out of the locker room in January in your stupid Hanes tighty-whities and freeze your hotdish off.
Sincerely,
Lara
8 Responses to “IN WHICH I GIVE BRETT FAVRE A PIECE OF MY MIND”
August 18th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
boooo! Favre is ruining his legacy! What a waste!
August 18th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
I totally agree with you about Mr. Favre. But even for literary effect, there’s no reason to involve my beloved Lions. You just don’t kick a man — or 65 overpaid, low-talent men — when he’s down. Way, way down.
August 18th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Also, for the sake of future Favre-ripping articles in which you describe his lower torso wear, I wanted to point out that Favre is a Wranglers man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2pIvg-2vEY
August 18th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
lol. Awesome!
August 18th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Umm, shouldn’t that be Wrangler jeans?
August 19th, 2009 at 12:43 am
Evan and Willie, you are so totally right about the Wranglers!
August 19th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Apparently I can’t get much right today at all. Sorry Willy about spelling your name wrong!
August 19th, 2009 at 5:45 am
Oh, how I love you, girl.