Lara Zielin

It’s Love Week on Larawrites.com!

Love Week is dedicated to exploring everything we love – from other people, to books, to cheese, to Castle. Oh, hey, what do you know, I just listed off the things I love most in this world.

Well, that’s a wrap for love week!

Just kidding.

I’m starting off love week with my husband, Rob. Who I love thiiiiiiiis much (read: too much to type about). Just to make it interesting, I’ve asked Rob to talk about dating.

Yes, it’s true. I want my betrothed to talk about dating. Why? Because he’s smart, sensitive, and he gets it, both from a guy’s perspective and – because he grew up in a house full of women – from a girl’s. But hey, don’t take it from me. Take it from Rob, the heart Guru!

Rob: Um, could you not call me that? It sort of reminds me of that bad Mike Myers movie.

Lara: Because you feed me cheese and tuck me in at night, I’ll grant you that. So, Love Gu—I mean, Rob. Tell me, how did you get to be so in tune with what women want (not the Mel Gibson movie) and what aspects of a relationship are most important?

Rob: I grew up in a house full of women. In my house and in my family, women were the cool group you wanted to hang out with. The dudes just sort of sat around and yelled at the T.V. The women were the funny, smart ones who were there for you in a lot of different facets – whereas the guys would just sort of pop a beer, punch you in the shoulder, and not say anything. I looked up to all the women in my life early on.

Then, I’d see dudes come around and they would totally change. They’d become these bumbling idiots second-guessing themselves, and all they’d do is talk about boys. The boy’s problems, and how they could get him to act certain ways, etc. It was like there was a square peg and a round hole, and they were always trying to make it fit.

Lara: How did that affect and shape you?

Rob: I just wanted to tell them, hold on – you guys are really cool. You’re awesome, you don’t need to change, the guy is the one who’s kind of a douche. I just wanted them to know how amazing they were, and that they weren’t being treated right.

Lara: For having developed a great sense, early on, of how a woman should be treated and what a healthy relationship looks like, you spent a lot of your 20’s single.

Rob: Er, yeah. All of my 20s, actually.

Lara: Why do you think that was?

Rob: Part of it was, I was really insecure. I really liked women, but women didn’t seem to like me. And I also think that it wasn’t until I turned 30 that women wanted to date me. I wasn’t the bad boy who was going to mistreat you. I was the guy who was going to be your best friend and your boyfriend, and I don’t think most women know how to handle that, especially when they’re in their 20s.

Lara: What advice would you give to women who are frustrated with their relationships right now?

Rob: Every frustrated relationship is different. But I’m going to just say that if it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not right. Look, I’m not a chick expert, but it seems to me that women, for whatever reason, have a really highly developed sense about things and, when they’re honest with themselves, they know when things are right and when they’re not. I’d say trust that gut instinct.

And secondly, I’d say stop giving the dude all the power. Be the coolest, best version of yourself you can be and work on yourself for a while. If you keep running into the same walls in relationships, then it’s not the relationships – it’s you. If every dude is treating you like you’re worthless, then there’s something in you that’s choosing guys who don’t value you enough, or you’re not valuing yourself enough and aren’t demanding that they meet you half way.

Lara: Well, there you have it – relationship advice from a married guy who was single for most of his 20s.

But I want to hear from you! What relationship wisdom have you garnered through the school of hard knocks? What advice do you have for married people or single people?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 17th, 2010 at 12:56 am and is filed under looks like life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.