THE DOG IS PRETTY MUCH TRAINING US AT THIS POINT
June 17th, 2011
If you have a dog and it’s not terribly inbred, then you know pooches learn the word “walk” pretty quickly.
That’s what happened with us, anyway. We’d be all like, “It’s a nice day. Maybe we should take Amos for a walk,” and his little head would tilt with interest, sometimes coupled with the single-ear flop. Like this:

Then he’d run for the door and start whining. With a beagle such as ours, this is tolerable for about five seconds before you give in and go on the stupid jaunt.
So then, like most canine owners, we started spelling the word.
He’d be lazing around like so, a sausage of quiet content …

… and Rob would casually remark, “I think it’s a lovely day for a W-A-L-K.”
And then whammo.

He’d learned the spelling, too.
After this, we got slightly more creative. W-A-L-K became “hoohoo the heehee,” spoken out of the corner of one’s mouth. Like it was film noir and you were also smoking a cigar.
“The natives look a little restless. I suppose we should [imagine Cary Grant here] hoohoo the heehee.”
But then that, too, eventually resulted in this.

Which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t accompanied by the aforementioned whining, anxiety yawns, and scratching at the door. I mean, just because we say hoohoo the hee hee doesn’t mean we actually WANT to hoohoo the heehee.
So, this morning, we came up with a new expression. We’re at an all-time low here, people.
“Amos, the doctor will administer the colonoscopy now.”
Yes, you read it right. We’ve devolved to medical terms. Here, it results in one eye open. But no head tilt. Yet.

“Amos, I said, the doctor will administer the colonoscopy now.”

Nothing! We’re safe.
For now, anyway.
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