~~~Lara Zielin~~~

As Love Week draws to a close on Larawrites.com, I thought I’d share some things that I learned recently about love, which didn’t go into previous posts.

For example, this video (courtesy of my awesome agent) showcases the hilarious protest-sign creativity of gay marriage activists who, like the rest of us, just want to love and be loved.

My fave? Elizabeth Taylor had 8 husbands; I just want one.

There’s also this little tortoise who was bullied by other tortoises (click here for full story) and lived a lonely life until the owners gave him a plastic girlfriend (*bites back snarky comment*) with whom he’s “besotted.”

Love really does come in all different shapes and sizes.

But since it’s Friday, I suppose the best way to conclude Love Week is with a Friday Flashback from a high school boyfriend. As you can see, this guy is really something else. It’s my birthday, and he sure as heck knows how to make a girl feel special.

If you’re reading this and not going hunting, please leave a comment. Love, Me.

It’s Love Week on Larawrites.com!

Love Week is dedicated to exploring everything we love – from other people, to books, to cheese, to Castle. Oh, hey, what do you know, I just listed off the things I love most in this world.

Well, that’s a wrap for love week!

Just kidding.

I’m starting off love week with my husband, Rob. Who I love thiiiiiiiis much (read: too much to type about). Just to make it interesting, I’ve asked Rob to talk about dating.

Yes, it’s true. I want my betrothed to talk about dating. Why? Because he’s smart, sensitive, and he gets it, both from a guy’s perspective and – because he grew up in a house full of women – from a girl’s. But hey, don’t take it from me. Take it from Rob, the heart Guru!

Rob: Um, could you not call me that? It sort of reminds me of that bad Mike Myers movie.

Lara: Because you feed me cheese and tuck me in at night, I’ll grant you that. So, Love Gu—I mean, Rob. Tell me, how did you get to be so in tune with what women want (not the Mel Gibson movie) and what aspects of a relationship are most important?

Rob: I grew up in a house full of women. In my house and in my family, women were the cool group you wanted to hang out with. The dudes just sort of sat around and yelled at the T.V. The women were the funny, smart ones who were there for you in a lot of different facets – whereas the guys would just sort of pop a beer, punch you in the shoulder, and not say anything. I looked up to all the women in my life early on.

Then, I’d see dudes come around and they would totally change. They’d become these bumbling idiots second-guessing themselves, and all they’d do is talk about boys. The boy’s problems, and how they could get him to act certain ways, etc. It was like there was a square peg and a round hole, and they were always trying to make it fit.

Lara: How did that affect and shape you?

Rob: I just wanted to tell them, hold on – you guys are really cool. You’re awesome, you don’t need to change, the guy is the one who’s kind of a douche. I just wanted them to know how amazing they were, and that they weren’t being treated right.

Lara: For having developed a great sense, early on, of how a woman should be treated and what a healthy relationship looks like, you spent a lot of your 20’s single.

Rob: Er, yeah. All of my 20s, actually.

Lara: Why do you think that was?

Rob: Part of it was, I was really insecure. I really liked women, but women didn’t seem to like me. And I also think that it wasn’t until I turned 30 that women wanted to date me. I wasn’t the bad boy who was going to mistreat you. I was the guy who was going to be your best friend and your boyfriend, and I don’t think most women know how to handle that, especially when they’re in their 20s.

Lara: What advice would you give to women who are frustrated with their relationships right now?

Rob: Every frustrated relationship is different. But I’m going to just say that if it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not right. Look, I’m not a chick expert, but it seems to me that women, for whatever reason, have a really highly developed sense about things and, when they’re honest with themselves, they know when things are right and when they’re not. I’d say trust that gut instinct.

And secondly, I’d say stop giving the dude all the power. Be the coolest, best version of yourself you can be and work on yourself for a while. If you keep running into the same walls in relationships, then it’s not the relationships – it’s you. If every dude is treating you like you’re worthless, then there’s something in you that’s choosing guys who don’t value you enough, or you’re not valuing yourself enough and aren’t demanding that they meet you half way.

Lara: Well, there you have it – relationship advice from a married guy who was single for most of his 20s.

But I want to hear from you! What relationship wisdom have you garnered through the school of hard knocks? What advice do you have for married people or single people?

The other day, I offered my help to someone. The interaction occurred at the front of my office, near the main desk and elevators. I think because of my proximity to where our receptionist normally sits, the person assumed I was the receptionist. That’s fine by me, except that their attitude was condescending and rude. However, the moment I clarified that I was a magazine editor and was just trying to direct them to the right resource (and, hello, be nice), the person’s demeanor changed. Suddenly, they were sweet as pie.

Ick, right?

But the thing is, it happened to me again not long thereafter. I was at a local drycleaner picking up my wares when the drycleaning lady working behind the counter asked if I was familiar with Ann Arbor. I said I was, and she held out the phone to me. A customer was on the other end, asking for directions to the joint and would I please assist. Simple, right?

Wrong. This person was so rude. I won’t even go into the myriad problems that were suddenly my fault (everything from prices to turnaround to the type of transportation they were going to have to take to get to the drycleaner). But when I explained that, actually, I was just a customer trying to help out because the drycleaning lady behind the counter wasn’t from around here, the customer gave a surprised little “Oh!” and, bam, they were suddenly respectful as could be.

I have to say, that’s the biggest form of lame ever.

Being nice to the CEO but mean to the janitor still makes you mean.
Being sweet to your aunt but pissy to your waitress still makes you pissy.

Here are three people we should be nice to all the time.

• Customer service reps (anyone on the other end of the phone helping you — no matter if they’re in Dubai or Iowa)
• Food service peeps (anyone and everyone from the lowly busboy to the manager)
• Airline flight attendants (do what they say, smile, and be cool)

Yes, there is a time and place for good customer service and if something is wrong, you’re right to want it fixed. But you can also tell a lot about a person by how they treat the lowliest among them. Just saying.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: This Improv Everywhere skit from Grand Central Station. Think New Yorkers are unflappable? Maybe not, according to this vid. Thanks, Lauren, for sending it my way!

Last weekend, I competed in a duathlon. It’s like a triathlon, but for people like me who hate swimming competitively, there’s no getting wet. In this particular race, I ran a mile, biked 11 miles, and then ran 3 miles.

One of  the best parts about the race was that I had friends there from my awesome gym, Ypsi Studio, and we were able to support and encourage each other the whole time. How cute (and tough! grrr!) are we?

Here we are, at the beginning of the one-mile. I’m fresh and dewy, ready to run. (Fresh and dewy = sweaty already. And it only gets worse.)

Here I am biking. It’s blurry — because I’m going SO! FAST! (Actually, I think it’s a technique from Rob’s fancy-schmancy camera, but I’m going to pretend it’s because I’m so speedy.)

And here I am booking it to the finish line! And I eventually made it! My time was one hour, 24 minutes, which exceeded my wildest expectations for the race.

Here I am, immediately after finishing.

I’m happy! And will I be doing this again next year? You bet. This race was awesome.

I’m a sucker for a good rehab project. Not the Lindsay Lohan kind, but rather the crafty kind.

Yesterday, on our way to a band organ rally in Sandusky, we stopped at a barn sale that was giving away old metal toolboxes. For free! So I picked up two. I had no idea what I was going to do with them, but they called to me.

Here’s the red one.

You can see it’s in rough shape.

And no, that beagle in the photo didn’t come with the toolbox. If he had, we would have dropped them right there and sped away. (Love you, Amos! Mwah.)

Anyway, today I got out my paint (Behr paint and primer in one, which will change your life, swear to dog) and started in. I wasn’t sure exactly where I’d end up, but my general philosophy is that paint, plus a hot glue gun and some ribbon, can fix just about anything.

Here is what I ended up with.

Isn’t it cute?! Then I lined the inside with some extra fabric I had sitting around.

No idea what I’ll do with it yet — am contemplating selling it on Etsy, actually — but I love it nonetheless. Oh, and I still have one more old toolbox to play with! Hooray for garage sales!

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Improv Everywhere made this hilarious Star Wars bit, which takes place on a subway car. In New York City. I love!

Recently at the gym, a friend in my spin class, Patty, was talking about her travels and she used the phrase “chocolate for flight attendants.”

“What’s that?” I asked. And she told me one about one of the best best practices I’d ever heard of.

Every time she goes on a flight, Patty takes all the flight attendants a little baggie of goodies. Nothing huge, but usually something along the lines of Zingerman’s brownies (which, if you’ve never had one, you simply must try). Patty said she did it because being a flight attendant was one of the most thankless jobs ever, and it made such a difference to these men and women.

She doesn’t do it for special seating. Or free booze. Or an extra blanket.

She does it simply to say thank you to people who don’t get thanked very often.

I love this idea. I love Patty for thinking about being grateful to people who we interact with but sometimes don’t even see. And I want to put it into practice in my own life. For shizzle. I don’t have any flights scheduled in the coming weeks, but when I do, I’m going to Zingerman’s and I’m going to stock up.

Thanks, Patty, for the awesome idea, and for making our skies just a little bit friendlier.

I have a field. Well, actually, I don’t have a field — not technically — but sort of I do.

See, when I was growing up, there was a field behind our house. I used to go to the field all the time and play. When I got older, I’d go to the field and think. You know how sometimes, you get to a location and you realize, this place is part of me? Well, this field — it’s part of me. Big time.

Recently, when I was back in Wisconsin, I visited the field. Here’s me in the field.

The field is really beautiful. It has a gorgeous variety of wild plants and flowers.

And there poplar trees for days. Which is my favorite kind of tree.

The problem is, the field is for sale. From what my dad hears, most of the interest in the location is from developers. Who want to raze it and put up a pre-fab subdivision.

I have to tell you, the thought makes me sick. It feels like sacred land is being raped — not to put too fine a point on it. I mean, this place is part of the fabric of who I am. And the idea of McMansions on it makes me want to cry.

I’d buy it but I don’t have enough money. Not yet, anyway. The price is $10k per acre and there are 22 acres. That’s $220k.

So I’m going to try something. I’m going to believe that somehow, some way, that land is going to not get McMansions put on it. There’s a gorgeous scene in the book Eat, Pray, Love where Elizabeth Gilbert speaks what she needs to the universe (in that case, it was that her husband would sign her divorce papers) and she starts listing off people who agree with her that it needs to get done. At first the list starts with friends and family. In the end, the list is pretty funny — I think the Dali Lama is on it. But guess what else? The papers get signed. Pronto.

So, I’m taking a page out of Elizabeth’s book. I want to sign a petition to the universe, to God, that this land isn’t going to get razed. That this little slice of paradise deserves to stay that way.

Will you agree with me that this land deserves more than a subdivision? Will you stand with me by leaving your name in the comments?

I know it’s kinda crazy. But this place is a little crazy — it’s a little magical, actually. And I think the universe is with me on this one.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: This version of Europe’s “The Final Countdown” is epic. My thanks to Rob for finding it.

I’m super excited because tonight I’m doing a leetle presentation on networking for the Ann Arbor District Library. You may be asking yourself, Lara, why are you talking about networking? Omg, that’s a great question! Let me answer it!

You may not know that in 2003, I published a book called MAKE THINGS HAPPEN: THE KEY TO NETWORKING FOR TEENS. Well, okay, I didn’t publish it, Lobster Press did. But still. It’s out there.

And the great thing is, seven years later, my little book is still in print AND it’s selling well enough that I actually get royalty checks.

The reason I’m telling you this is because I think it reflects how an activity like networking never goes out of style. Why? Because networking involves people and relationships, and those two things are a giant part of the fabric we all use to stitch our lives together. (How’s THAT for a sewing metaphor?)

I am not the world’s best networker. Not by a long shot. But I AM passionate about building good relationships with people for the right reasons. I believe that when people find what they’re good at and pursue things that make them happy, it opens giant doors of opportunity. I think it’s hard to have a meaningful life without other people.

Plugging into those ideas is all part of networking. It’s a much bigger part, I think, than passing out business cards and schmoozing over rubbery chicken at some fancy dinner.

If you want to hear more about this, I’ll be at the Ann Arbor District Library (Pittsfield branch) tonight from 7-8. Click here for the deets. Hope to see you!!

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Okay, you know how I love Lolcats, right? Well, my friend Margaret sent me this link showing the creation of the universe in Lolspeak. From the Lolcat Bible! I die!

These days, I’m doing some digging into the topic of happiness for an article I’m writing for work. And it turns out, optimism is a big component of happiness. No huge shockers there, but here’s what I found interesting. The researchers I’m talking to gave undergrads a survey at the start of the semester, and they asked them what they thought their grades would be at the end of the semester. Those who answered saying they thought would have good grades at the end of the semester actually had good grades. And these weren’t just the smart kids. They were just the kids who thought they could have a role in their GPA.

The researchers said that, overwhelmingly, the kids who thought they could get good grades came to class. They figured they needed to learn in order to up their  GPA. Those who didn’t think they could get good grades didn’t show up because they thought it didn’t matter anyway.

I thought about this vis-a-vis writing and I realized optimism goes a long way. If you think you can get published, you can get published. You’ll send out more query letters, you’ll keep revising, you’ll hang in there with your manuscript. If you think, ah, screw it, the game’s rigged, then your publishing career is over before it started.

If you are an unpublished writer, this morning, tape a message to your bathroom mirror that says, “I’m only one ‘yes’ away from a published manuscript.” I know it’s cheesy, but the research says it works!

Dear NASA,

While it’s true that I would rather watch Sex and the City than The Right Stuff, I have recently been made aware of some facts that you, too, probably ought to know:

1.) BP is run by monkeys
2.) We’ve let these monkeys fu*k up the planet

Because I know many of you are concerned with big ideas like string theory, whether or not the universe is being pushed together or pulled apart, and where that Mars rover got off to a few years back, you may not have read the papers recently. You may not know that there is an oil spill the size of Delaware—and growing—in the Gulf of Mexico.

How we let ourselves get to this place is a whole different topic that I won’t go into right now. But the thing is, we are here. And BP can’t seem to fix their epic fail.

Not that they haven’t tried, if you can call nuking the Gulf with enough toxic Oil-b-Gone to kill every last sea turtle ever, trying. Their most recent fix had to do with underwater robots and some diamond saws or something. Which, I don’t know about you, but I’m just waiting for them to announce that, next, they propose sharks with laser beams on their heads.

So, here’s my point. I’ve seen Apollo Thirteen. I know that when a spacecraft is breaking down IN OUTER SPACE, you can fix it in real time and bring everyone on board home safely. Not even Bill Paxton could keep that lesson from coming through loud and clear. I know the whole Apollo Thirteen thing happened a while ago but, as far as I know, you’re still flying rockets and taking pictures of exploding stars and repairing space stations.

In sum: you guys know how to get sh*t done.

So, like, could you maybe help BP out and find a solution to all that oil gushing into the water?

I bet you could. I mean, you guys are the ones who can never really say, “Well, it’s not like it’s rocket science,” because guess what? To you, it’s rocket science.

I know it’s really easy to think that it’s not a NASA thing, to plug a gushing hole deep underwater. You guys usually tilt your heads and look up, not down.

But if I ever have kids—and, again, that’s a whole different topic I won’t go into right now—I’d like them to be able to see a brown pelican. And watch dolphins swim. And eat fish that won’t kill them. Even if I don’t have kids, I want that stuff for my nieces and nephews, and, okay, even the brats with bad manners at the supermarket. Even them. Because this sh*t’s real. And we need big brainpower—I mean BIG—to find a solution.

Anyway, thanks for reading and, if you see him, please tell Buzz Aldrin I liked him on 30 Rock.

Sincerely,

Lara Zielin