Lara Zielin

As many of you know, our dog Amos has us trained, not the other way around. Like, how we’ve had to invent new words for “walk,” and how we’ve had to start putting the trash can on top of the counter when we leave for the day, otherwise we come home to this:

^ Oh look! Clues! Like Blues Clues, only this leads to something so, so much worse.

And sure enough, there’s the trash on the floor. Dragged away from the actual can like a dead body, and chewed to ribboned ruins. Again.

So. The latest chapter in this continuing saga is that we got a new advent calendar.

It’s wood. It sits on top of the mantle. The doors to the candy are magnetic and require some dexterity to open.

The new advent calendar is beagle-proof. Or so we hope. Because one time? We had a charming advent calendar from Starbucks that we left next to the TV. It was December 1, and we’d just put it out, so it was stocked with 25 dark chocolate truffles, all wrapped in lovely green and red holiday foil.

I know you know where this is headed.

Amos ate all of it. Including the foil. In a post about how it is sometimes inexplicable to love a dog after they do something like this, I referred to the mess as being “slobber-laden ruins strewn on the carpet like holiday snow. Sad, spitty, disgusting holiday snow.”

Let’s hope this advent calendar makes it through the season. If it doesn’t — if somehow Amos manages to climb onto the mantle and gnaw the Dove chocolates inside — please pray that I have another “illogical love” post in me.

It’s Halloween time and you know what that means, kids. I want to hear all about your bestest bestest or worstest worstest Halloween costumes! And yes, I’ll be going first.

So. Picture it: Sixth grade and I decide to dress up as the coolest person I can think of. My choice of trick or treating garb should tell you a lot about how seriously uncool I was because I chose … Albert Einstein.

I might have been the only sixth-grade girl in America that year to dress up as a famous physicist, but there you go.

Well. You can imagine how well this went over with the sexy witches, sexy fairies, sexy princesses, and sexy kitties who were my classmates. In a word: not.

But dude, you guys, I was a totally believable Albert Einstein. I rocked my nerddom. I embraced my relativity and rode my space-time continuum to awesomeness. When I look back on this picture, all I can think is, “I am SO glad I wasn’t a scarecrow or a pirate.”

So. Now, I want to hear all about your memorable Halloween garb. And if you tell me about it in the comments, you’ll be eligible to win Carrie Harris’s totally Halloween-appropriate book, Bad Taste in Boys. There’s zombies! And kissing! It’s awesome. Also awesome? Is Carrie. She lives in Michigan too, and I heart her.

Please comment away, and may the best costume story win!*

*Which I will totally decide because my name’s on the blog but I promise to try and be super fair.

The blimp-shaped Hindenbeagle left the kitchen on 12 September, 2011, bound for the couch.

It was the kind of trip the Hindenbeagle had taken countless times before. No one expected anything less than a smooth, successful journey.

Reporters and newspaper crews were there to document the Hindenbeagle as a marvel in both laziness and girth. It was front-page news.

The route would be simple. The Hindenbeagle would leave the kitchen at approximately 09:30, traveling for a quick stop to pick up Mr. Turtle at 09:32. A last-minute call would drive the Hindenbeagle south for much-needed hydration, then from there it would be smooth sailing to the couch.

No one expected the gas.

The mighty Hindenbeagle was felled by gas so bad, he simply had to just stop and fart and let it out.

Scores of people could smell it that day. Later, scientists would deduce it was a mixture of products that they never knew could be so destructive under the right circumstances.

The Hindenbeagle is a lesson for all humanity.

Remember the Hindenbeagle.

We have a winner! Thanks to everyone who commented and re-Tweeted for a chance to get Ellen Baker’s new novel, I GAVE MY HEART TO KNOW THIS.

This time around, the odds gods have deemed … Lily G. the winner!

Congrats, Lily! I’ll get your copy into the mail asap.

Happy reading!

I loved the Super Bowl. The Packers won, and all was right with the world.

Mostly.

Of all the dud commercials that aired during the Super Bowl (and there was no shortage of them this year), the ads from Go Daddy were the ones that left the worst taste in my mouth. I had to stop and really think about why that was — what made these commercials so much worse to me than, say, the horrific Pepsi ads?

I finally figured out it was because they’d taken three empowered women — Danica Patrick, Jillian Michaels, and Joan Rivers — and stripped them down to, well, literally almost nothing. Which, look, I get it: sex sells. Fine. But these are some of the few women (and I mean few women) in the public eye today using their talents and skills for something other than fighting, drinking, and sexygoodtimes. Jillian and Joan especially, I really admire. I was bummed they’d been reduced to this.

I was pretty needled. So I wrote Go Daddy a letter yesterday. (For the record, I’m a customer and do business with them.) I’ve pasted it below in its entirety, word for word. Admittedly, it’s kinda harsh. But then again, so were those ads:

I just wanted to let you know that I thought your Super Bowl ads were sexist and ridiculous. Perhaps the bulk of your customers are male tech geeks with fat wallets for whom dressing up empowered women like sluts is a turn on and a sales-booster. Fine, but by targeting them, you thus forget your other customers — smart, tech savvy women like me, who are going to take their business elsewhere because you clearly don’t respect us. Epic fail to you, Go Daddy. #ick

I didn’t really expect a response. I had a friend who got a call from Go Daddy on Monday because her domain names were expiring, and when she said her relationship with them might be expiring because of the Super Bowl ads, the response was, “The commercials were meant to be controversial. Some people liked them, some didn’t.”

But I got a response. And to Go Daddy’s credit, it was both addressed to me and addressed my concerns. Or tried to anyway. Here’s what they sent:

Dear Lara,

We appreciate you taking the time to contact our staff to share your opinion about our television commercials. Although we wish your opinion of our commercials was a favorable one, please know your feedback is highly valued. At GoDaddy.com, we strongly believe that the freedom to express one’s opinions is one of the defining factors that makes the United States a great nation.

We hope you can appreciate the need to attract and please multiple customer demographics, and we invite you to view our other commercials on our site.

To view, please go to the following URL and then select the “Our Customers” option in the middle column under Archive:

http://videos.godaddy.com/ads.aspx?isc=biggame08&ci=11207

Once there, you’ll see that GoDaddy.com produces a wide variety of commercials, several of which feature testimonials from business men and women who have used our products to build and expand their online presence. We hope these examples will be of assistance to you in making your final determination about your relationship with GoDaddy.com.

Regards,

Dan F.
Online Support Lead

So, they definitely get props for writing back. I mean, they didn’t have to. Also? I’m greatly amused by their reference to the United States being a great nation because we all have the freedom to write letters to customer service representatives.

Ultimately, I’m glad they have other commercials that don’t feature women dressed like sluts. But I don’t have a sense that they want to change their  approach because I guess, to them, having one offensive commercial isn’t so bad when you have a few that aren’t. Except here’s the thing: I read recently that a brand isn’t a logo, or a corporate strategy — but rather a gut feeling that someone gets when they think about a product. And right now? I still get that icky feeling when I think about Go Daddy.

That doesn’t sit so well with me.

Part of female empowerment is being able to dress and act in whatever way reflects genuine self expression. But this doesn’t feel like it’s the women who end up in the driver’s seat, enjoying themselves. This just feels like they’ve been reduced to eye candy — again.

So here’s my final thought, and then I’ll step down off my soap box for a good long while. Part of the reason I write and love young-adult novels is because it features so very many girls and women who are just plain kickass. If you hated the Go Daddy commercials too, then I suggest clearing your palette with books that convey the opposite of those commercials: ladies who are smart, and know they have the power to make a difference in the world.

I suggest The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, or The Silver Phoenix by Cindy Pon. If you’re looking for more real-life adventures, then I say try The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (smart, capable girls who love and support each other — what a concept!) or The Lost Summer of Louisa May Alcott.

Let’s all turn off the television for a while, and dive into an awesome book.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: A friend posted this Craigslist ad for a huge hamburger bed and I about died! It’s so freaking awesome!

The summer after my first year of college, I worked in a bakery. My hours were from 4:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. and, I have to tell you, I’ve never loved a shift so much in my life. The hours were perfect for me. Perfect. I am a morning person, and getting up and completing my work before most people have had lunch is ideal.

These days, that still holds true. I’m most productive at most everything when I attempt it in the morning. Working out, writing, doing my day job — all of it. When 5:00 p.m. rolls around and my husband is just getting ready to come alive, I’m crawling into my jammies. [Funny post-script from the first few weeks my husband and I dated: I liked him soooo much that I actually told him I was a "night owl" so that he'd call me when he got home from being out on the town. We laugh so hard now because it was such a stretch.]

If I had my druthers, I’d write every day from 6:00 a.m. until at least noon. But I don’t have my druthers so unless it’s the weekend, I usually write after 5:00 p.m. during the week. It’s not ideal — not by a long shot — but if I don’t do it then, I won’t do it at all. Recently, a friend and I started meeting on Wednesdays after work at a local coffee shop just to pound out a few paragraphs. It’s so helpful because it’s hard to get motivated to tackle my novel after a long day at work, but at least with my friend I have a standing date where I force myself to get out of the house and pen something.

I’d love to hear from you: Do you write, and if so, when? How do you get motivated to write after a long day on the job? What tips to you have for other writers who are trying to get on a writing schedule?

FAVE LINKEY POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Without a doubt, it’s Allee Willis’ Kitsch of the Day. I want one of everything in this woman’s home.

So, I don’t know if you guys heard, but The Novel Formerly Known as PROMGATE has a new name. That’s right! It’s now called ….

[drumroll]

THE IMPLOSION OF AGGIE WINCHESTER

Wahoo! I’m actually super excited about the change. And I can’t wait to see the cover. Will let you know when I have a comp to share! In the meantime, please change your pre-order on Amazon.com to TIoAW. Kthnx.

You. Guys. Rule. Thank you all so much for your title ideas over the past two days! There were a lot there to choose from, and even though I can only crown three winners (get it? crown?!), I think many of the titles will be in contention for a while here. I promise, cross my heart, that as soon as we figure something out, I’ll post the new title here first.

The title finalists today are:

Evan for TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, AND TIARAS

Shelli for just about all of hers but more specifically RIGGED; SCHOOLED; and DIRTY BALLOTS

And Angela for THE SCARLET TIARA

I’ll get your $10 B&N gift cards out to you shortly. And thank you all again for the amazing ideas. Whatever this darn book is called, with support like that, it’s going to rule.

You guys! My publisher is changing the title of PROMGATE and I need your help figuring out what the new title should be!

Since PROMGATE doesn’t really encompass everything the book is about (it’s about more than a dance!), we need something a bit less…literal. The thing is, my editor, agent and I are kinda stumped. We haven’t been able to find a title that fits. So, I’m opening it up to all of you, because I know there are some awesome brains out there!

And there are prizes! The three title finalists will get a $10 Barnes and Noble gift card. And your title could wind up being the name of my new book! Aaaaa!

So, okay, here’s how it works:

• Post your title suggestions in the comments. You can submit as many titles as you want, but you’ll only be entered for the prize once.
• While they’re open to having “Prom” in the title, they’d love to see options that don’t feature it.
• I will work with my editor and agent to pick the finalists.
• The book’s plot/synopsis is pasted below to spark great title ideas. I’m also going to list titles that have a similar sound/feel to what we’re going for.
• You can email me at new [dot] zielind [at] gmail [dot] com with questions. K? K.

Synopsis for the Book Formerly Known as PROMGATE:

Is Aggie’s high school ready for a pregnant Goth Prom Queen?

 Sixteen year-old Aggie Winchester couldn’t care less about who’s elected prom queen—even if it’s her pregnant Goth-girl best friend, Sylvia Ness. Aggie’s got bigger things to worry about, like whether or not her ex-boyfriend wants to get back together and whether her mom will survive cancer.

But like it or not, Aggie, soon finds herself in the middle of an unfolding prom scandal, largely because her mom, who is the school’s principal, is rumored to have burned prom ballots so Sylvia won’t be elected queen. Compelled to investigate, Aggie finds out more than she bargained for and wonders if the election could be dirty on both sides.

* * *

Other things to note about PROMGATE:

The main character, Aggie, isn’t so sure she loves being Goth. She does it because her best friend Sylvia is Goth and looking dark and menacing has helped her out of a few scrapes. But at the end of the day, Aggie is really trying to figure out who she is. Aggie also loves bass fishing, which her dad forced her to do, initially, but now she kind of digs it. Not that she would ever tell anyone that. She pretends to hate it so no one knows the truth.

Please also note, I’m not sure the publishers are digging the word “Goth” in the title. Not that we can’t consider titles with that word, it’s just that they don’t seem to be jumping for joy when they read it.

Here are some other titles we dig, which might help inspire you:

WINTERGIRLS

FEAR OF FALLING

THE SIX RULES OF MAYBE

THE FORTUNES OF INDIGO SKYE

THE ABSOLUTELY TRUE DIARY OF A PART-TIME INDIAN

AN ABUNDANCE OF KATHERINES

LOVE AND OTHER FOUR-LETTER WORDS

STORY OF A GIRL

ONCE WAS LOST

Thank you, GOOD LUCK and I am already pumped about all your ideas!! xoxox

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND:  Awkward Family Photos has been around a long time now, but the site has grown into something pretty extraordinary. Get ready to LOL if you visit.

I haven’t posted much lately because I’ve been editing PROMGATE. My brain is fried. And so, because I have nothing else, I give you more pictures of me wearing Bumpits. Did you know their tagline is “from flat to fabulous”? I can think of something else that could have applied to when I was in junior high.

I love Bumpits!

See how much?

Do you have a Bumpit image too? Email me at new [dot] zielind [at] gmail [dot] com and I’ll share it!