Lara Zielin

As 2011 draws to a close, I suppose I could do a wrap-up of the places I’ve visited, and the games of Words with Friends I’ve won, and whatever else kind of summary I usually do this time of year.

But, no. I am going to tell you the truth.

Which is that as 2011 wraps and I look to 2012, I have no idea what to do. And that notion is more than a little unsettling.

See, I’ve wanted to write books ever since I could hold a pencil. I’ve had lots of goals in my life, but publishing books was #1, top of the pile, the thing above all things that I simply had to do. And I did it.

I reached my goal. Four times, actually, with one of the best publishers in the world.

I’ve achieved the thing that I dreamed of since I was a little girl. And now, as I look at the space comprising my future, I’m starting to wonder, What’s Next? The truth is, I have no clue.

I mean, I could keep writing books. That’s totally an option, and I’m confident I will keep doing it to some degree. We writers have a hard time making due if we’re not … writing. But the motor driving me to publish books has lost some of its horsepower.

Okay, a lot of its horsepower.

And I’m just sitting here wondering — what do you do when you’ve achieved the thing you’ve dreamed of since you were little?

I don’t know how many childhood dreams a person ever gets to watch come true. And when they do come true, it’s both awesome and a little bit of a lonely place. Because it’s not like you can reach back into your past and conjure up another dream. I got what I wanted most. I don’t have another thing scratching at me, giving me purpose, driving me forward.

So then .. I just … AM?

I can’t imagine I’m the only person to have experienced this. Women who long for nothing but a family their whole lives — what do they do when the kids grow up and move away? How about career-minded people who put their whole lives into obtaining a job and once they secure it — what’s next?

Maybe some of you are reading this thinking, Sure, Lara, you reached your goal to a degree, but why not stop until you’re the next J.K. Rowling?

The truth is that being Ms. Rowling, or getting your book on Ellen, or even being a New York Times bestseller is such a far-off star. And I’m not sure I want to spend my time aiming for it. Frankly, it’s exhausting. There are so many wonderful, wonderful books that just sit on shelves and never get their due. The marketplace is packed. Jam packed, actually, at a time when people are reading less and less. With each book, I’ve constructed my wings and gotten as close to that “bestselling” sun as I can, but in the end, the wax melts for 95 percent of us, and we come crashing back down, sometimes never even earning out our advances.

But in the end, this isn’t about the industry. I love stories, and I’ll keep writing, no matter if I sell one book or one million books. I’m just trying to say that I feel a little lost simply because I have done it. List checked. Goal achieved. Thanks and come again.

So now I have to figure out how to a.) live without that publishing motor roaring inside me, spurring me forward and b.) dream bigger, and imagine what could be in store for me. I look at someone like Brad Meltzer, a writer who turned his books into a History Channel show, Decoded, and I think, awesome.

At the same time, I don’t want to just shove more goals onto my list. I think there’s value in living in the scary place, the quiet place, where it feels so … un-American, frankly, to not have a to-do list and a thing to conquer and a flag to plant.

Who are we when we turn off the phone, when we close the laptop, when we just STOP? More to the point, who am I if I’m not striving to complete another book?

That’s a crazy scary question. But in 2012, I think I’d like to answer it. Or, if not answer it, at least be brave enough to really, really look at it.

[Image source: ShatteredMermaid.blogspot.com]

Oh, that?

That’s because I’d rather write.

Overdue library books. Entire shopping lists in three categories: kinds of carbs, kinds of wine, and kinds of chocolate. Dust bunnies under every bed.

That’s because I’d rather write.

Thirsty flowerbeds choked by weeds. White trash bags piled like bodies in the garage because I keep forgetting to take them to the curb on Tuesdays. The dog hamster-wheel-whining for a walk. Half-scribbled notes everywhere about plot points. A fridge that I’m not sure I want to open because, dear God what is that smell?

All because I’d rather write.

Closet clutter I should probably organize. Except I'm writing.

Grass so long the city is about to fine us. Bleary-eyed coffee-making in the morning. Bleary-eyed coffee-making at night. Cat litter so turd-packed it could be the surface of a meteor.

Yep. Writing.
Dirty car in need of an oil change? Check.

Crumb-laden keyboard because I take all my meals with Word open? Check.

Piles and piles of laundry in the basement? Check.

Still writing? Check check.

Neighbors have seen me in my jammies at 4:00 because I can’t be bothered to change clothes when I’m on a tear. They’ve seen me 24 hours later in the exact same attire, only now my hair is super greasy and I’m starting to smell. Because I’m writing.

The same CDs have been on rotation in my car for a year because a.) I’m not fancy and I don’t have satellite radio, and b.) every time I think, Gosh, I should totally bring some CDs from the house to the car, it’s totally blocked out in the next 3.2 seconds by a different thought. About writing.

If there was a 12-step program for writing, I would probably be encouraged to join it. But in the end, I wouldn’t. Because that bulb might need changing, and I might just have tuned out what you said while thinking about a plot point, but baby, if this is a disease, I do not want to be cured.

Do you ever wonder what writers talk about when they talk to each other? Do you ever think, “I wish I could just pick that author’s brain for a little bit?”

Enter Ink Stains, a new ebook that features interviews with nine authors with more than 25 published books between them. These honest accounts feature authors overcoming self doubt, waging war against writer’s block, coming to terms with the editing process, and learning to trust their literary instincts. Their raw authenticity will inspire and encourage other writers. If they can do it, so can you.

I compiled and edited these wonderful interviews. You can click here to buy from Amazon (Kindle), or here from B&N (Nook). I hope these literary insights will help your writing leave its ink stain!

There is still room available at the Ann Arbor Writers’ Conference (held in conjunction with the Ann Arbor Book Festival) if you’re interested in attending!

It’s this Saturday, June 25, and there will be a wealth of talented experts on hand talking about everything from characters to poetry to query letters. One of them might be me, actually.

You can see the full conference schedule by clicking here.

If you want to just show up the day of, you can — they will be registering attendees on site. And if funding is an issue, they still have a few scholarships available for participants. Just email the director, Jeff Kaas, at: eyelev21 [at] aol [dot] com.

If you have other questions, just leave them in the comments and I’ll be sure to answer them!

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: The cheese underground! It’s an artisan cheese site by a Wisconsin native, and the site even offers a 2011 artisan cheese-maker calendar. I need to be best friends with Jeanne. Like, now.

Rob and I recently watched the Joan Rivers documentary, A Piece of Work, and it got me thinking about hustle. At 77, Joan’s still hustling, trying to get work, to promote herself, and to attain a level of success that she feels she hasn’t yet achieved. My comedic hero, Kathy Griffin, was interviewed for the Joan Rivers documentary, and Kathy herself has talked at length about hustle: about busting her butt to put up her own fliers, to promote herself, to get any work she can, to try and get a leg up in the industry. For a long time, it didn’t work — for both Kathy and Joan. But doors did open up for them eventually, though it’s certainly been a tough road.

In that sense, I do believe there’s a tipping point at which hustle pays off. Where, if you post enough fliers and send out enough postcards and make enough phone calls and craft enough YouTube videos, your name does land on tongues a bit more easily. And that can continue to build with a snowball effect of sorts.

But, as Rob and I were discussing our own careers, we also both agreed that hustle sometimes has a different payoff than what you expect. For example, Rob busted his butt and hustled for years trying to make it as a filmmaker (all while holding down a day job). After a time, neither his day job nor his movie career were taking off. And yet he was full of hustle. Eventually, the skills he garnered from his hustle translated to a new job, which he loves. His hustle eventually opened doors for him — and helped him redefine what success meas vis-a-vis his movie pursuits. Hustle didn’t have the rewards he thought it would have (i.e. an Oscar and a red-carpet debut) — but it still had rewards. And he’s still hard at work on film pursuits, they just have a little bit different shape than they did before.

Me, I’m not a best-selling author, despite major hustle for my last book. I’m still not besties with Meg Cabot, and Stephen King doesn’t know my cell number. I don’t have fan emails cluttering my inbox.

Even so, I’ll hustle again for THE IMPLOSION OF AGGIE WINCHESTER  and we’ll see what happens. I’ll still probably show up at library events where they’ve forgotten I’m coming and haven’t publicized it; I’ll probably walk into bookstore signings where they stick me at a table in a corner and ignore me; I will probably get slammed in some reviews. But I won’t give up. I don’t know what the payoff will be, but I know that there’s value in hard work and hustle. It might not be what I think (i.e. shopping for Fluevogs with Jennifer Weiner) but it will be something nonetheless. And maybe something better than what I could have imagined in the first place.

Lara, where you at? Hey dawg, I’m on a writer’s retreat to South Carolina to finish up a draft of The Vortex Game, which is due to my editor November 1. Look, this is my view!

Fun, right? Totally! Except, see, there’s this one tiny thing. It’s the end of the month and Rob and I sort of had to, um, pay these property taxes I totally forgot about for some land we own (oooopsie) and it all but zeroed out the money I was going to spend down here. Not totally, but almost.

So, of course I rent the absolute cheapest car evar online (thinking, how bad can it be, this is 2010, they can’t give me an Escort) and I get to Enterprise to find they haven’t given me an Escort. They’ve given me a KIA Rio.

I have nothing against KIAs. No, I don’t. But this one doesn’t even have power locks. So, when I’m at the grocery store? I have to go around to each door, one by one, and manually lock the them because that‘s fun. Also, my left bicep is slightly bigger now from having to roll down the window by hand.

Do I sound like a princess? I am. I am a totally spoiled princess and a terrible person. I admit it. But you know what? You weren’t there when the truck pulled up next to me, looked at my leeetle tiny car, and laughed.

Also, there is the small issue of having forgotten my swimsuit.

At first, I thought, I can’t believe I forgot my swimsuit. I should go buy one.

But I quickly realized, no, I shouldn’t. That’s financially very, very bad. And besides, I’ll spend all day trying to find one that fits and by the time I get back to the beach it will be dark. I’ll just go down there in my workout shorts and a tank top. (*imagines the tan lines, sighs*)

Okay, you know what? I’m going to write. That’s what I’m down here for, and that’s what I’m going to do.

After I sell my body so I can go buy Haagen-Dazs.

Kidding! I’m kidding. Jeez.

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: Have you ever wondered what’s wrong with books? I have. Thankfully, “Bestie by Bestie,” featuring Gabe Liedman and Jenny Slate, answers this question in spades.

I recently started taking drum lessons and it’s made me realize some things. Namely, that I’m not as gifted as I thought I was in this area (note to self: this lesson will probably surface again later). For example, I never thought I’d have to spend a number of lessons just learning to hold the sticks right, or figuring out how to read music and count beats.

Then I put it together and figured out that drumming is a lot like writing. I’m not the most gifted writer out there, but baby I’ve stuck with it. And I’ve learned a ton of things and had some successes just by doing it consistently for, oh, 30 years now.

In college and high school, I used to despair when I wasn’t the best at something. I’d think, oh, I should stop doing this because everyone is so much more gifted than me. Now, I know better. I understand that time weeds out a lot of people. And if I stick with something for a while, chances are I’ll get good. Maybe I won’t become the best, but I’ll become better than most.

So, I’ve decided to give drumming a year. If after a year I don’t feel like I’ve made progress, I can let it go. But I’m going to bet that I’ll fall more in love with it with each lesson. I might not be Meg White (pictured above) by the end, or that one-armed dude from Def Leppard, but I’ll be farther along than I was. And then I can jump feet-first into my next dream: starting a band made up of writers called the Serial Commas.

Who’s with me?

FAVE LINKEY-POO RIGHT THIS SECOND: The Very Mary Kate series by comedian Elaine Carroll is to die. How did I not know about this before? Start with “Moving Day” and work your way through to “Ashleyguard.” If you can, I mean — without totally passing out from laughing so hard.

With a draft of my new novel due November 1, (*bites fist to keep from screaming*), I am hunting hard for pockets of time to make the most of the days, hours, and minutes I have left. On my sister site, Help4Writers.com, author Margaret Yang offered five time management tips, which I have revisited a lot in these past couple days. You know what I’m bad at? Giving stuff up (#2 on the list). You mean I can’t do it all? Waaaaah!!!

I have also scheduled a week-long retreat for myself — alone — to finish those pesky pages that won’t write themselves. Stoopid non-magic pages. Bah.

Okay, but after I turn in my manuscript, will you all puh-leeze mark your calendars for Saturday, November 20 from 6:00 to 8:00? Especially if you live in or around New York city! I’ll be doing a book signing at Books of Wonder in Manhattan! And I won’t be alone! Authors Michelle Zink, Rhonda Stapleton, Jon Skovron, and Megan Crewe will be there. Uh, hello, awesome event anyone?

Hope to see you guys! Yay!

It’s on Publisher’s Lunch so I guess that makes it official, right? I got another book deal! I’m hard at work on my next novel, called THE VORTEX GAME, which I hope will come out in 2012, on the heels of THE IMPLOSION OF AGGIE WINCHESTER. The story centers around a 17-year-old girl, Jane, who goes to the plains of the Midwest to chase tornadoes with her brother for a few weeks. She’s escaping her home life, which is increasingly stressful and complicated as her mom’s drinking problem gets worse and worse. Jane is unsure whether she should stay in Oklahoma indefinitely, or return to her mom back in Minnesota.

Jane eventually meets a boy, Max, who tells her that making big decisions, cold turkey, is too much and the best thing to do is to make decisions in degrees and, eventually, they get easier and easier. To illustrate the point he invents the Vortex Game, in which you take two things—a cow and a chicken, for example—and you assume both of them get sucked into a tornado’s vortex. Only one can live. Which do you choose? If you pick the chicken, then you put the chicken up against the next thing—say, your English teacher. On and on, until you’re able to choose between two huge things like staying in Oklahoma or returning to Minnesota.

To find out what Jane does, you’ll have to read the book, which I hope you’ll do when it’s available! Happily, THE VORTEX GAME was sold in a two-book deal, which means that another book–which has yet to be plotted and written–will follow closely on its heels.

Yay!

I’m so excited to be doing so much writing, and to have a publisher and an agent who believe in me and help all these writing dreams of mine come true. And thanks, peeps, who read this blog and follow along on my adventures and support me with your comments. You rule too! Yayayayayay!

I’m so excited! It’s here! It’s Youth Literacy Day!

I could sit here and tell you in great detail how my local 826michigan organization helps teens read, write, and develop a love for words — and do they ever. But, curiously, they do the same thing for me, too. It’s true! I have adored being involved in this organization as a volunteer, and each time I’m there, I walk away more and more pumped about anything having to do with literacy and the printed word.

Which is to say, when you celebrate Youth Literacy Day today, and I know you will, it’s not just about kids. It’s about communities, and impacting people on every level — volunteers, parents, teachers, the whole ball of wax.

The 826 organizations do amazing work. Please help them today by clicking here to donate $8.26 through PayPal or text the word WRITE to 20222 for a one-time donation of $10.

Thanks for celebrating 826 on 8/26!