A Brief History of Cake
August 14th, 2011
The day that Aggie Winchester launched, I received a cake from Rob. This rules because a.) it’s cake and b.) my husband is the kind of guy who will buy me cake. For those of you who don’t believe that this actually happened, I present Exhibit A:
As you can see from the way my arms are straining in this picture, the cake was HUGE. Possibly too big for two people, one might think. Is this a good thing? In fancypants literary terms, we call these hints that all this cake may not be a good thing foreshadowing. In non-fancypants literary terms, it’s called buying waaaay too much delicious cake but then having Rob go all Goodfellas on the thing.
Because, let me just be clear, within hours of cake arriving, Rob had formed a special relationship with it. Rob and cake were tied together by a beautiful, frosting-covered string that only they could see.
Not that Rob didn’t share his beloved cake. During the Girls Taking Over the World tour, Rhonda, Christine, and Saundra all had cake. I don’t have a picture of it, so I will reenact the events here.
Soon, Rob started to change. His skin retained a greasy, pale look that Rhonda dubbed the “buttercream sweats.” All he could talk about was the cake. All he could think about was the cake.
Our friend Erica came over. She had a piece. That was the last time any of us remember it being shared.
We talked about taking the rest into work to distribute among colleagues, but in the end there was always an excuse: it’s sort of old now, we don’t want to bring in dried-out cake; there’s hardly that much left anyway, why bother?
And then, sometimes, there was just the look. Like, this Wuthering Heights kind of moment where Rob is Heathcliff and cake is Catherine and why, why can’t they just be together forever?
But in the end, cake did leave us. Rob announced, as we were getting ready to watch HGTV’s Design Star, that cake had passed into the gray havens and would remain there forevermore.
It was gone. I didn’t get to say goodbye. But then again, I didn’t have the relationship with it that Rob did. While it lasted, it was a beautiful thing.
Cake is dead. Long live cake.
Cake: August 4, 2011 – August 12, 2011
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