Why We Choose Chaos

April 30th, 2012

April is drawing to a close, which means this will be my last post for Tornado Awareness Month. These 30 days have been full of a lot of real-life weather information, a lot of practical and educational stuff, even a song about chasing storms, but not a lot about weather as … a metaphor. Which is sort of funny considering my third book is all about weather as a metaphor.

In ‘The Waiting Sky,’ tornadoes represent chaos — both literally in the protagonist, Jane’s, life (she’s’ in Tornado Alley, after all!) and also figuratively, in the sense that her alcoholic mom is a huge form of chaos. She roars through like a twister and upends everything.

Jane’s choice in the book is whether or not she’ll choose chaos: Will she live her life in the storm, or will she set out on a different path? It might sound like a simple setup, but how many of us choose to infuse our lives with chaos all the time without realizing it? I think for this last Tornado Awareness Month post, I want to chat about all the ways in which we chase storms so that we don’t have to deal with … other stuff. Our emotions. Our realities. Our selves.

I’ll start.

Sometimes, it’s really hard for me to put down my phone. And instead of putting it away and connecting with my emotions or thinking about what went down during the day, I’ll just pick up my phone and play a game or text or do Facebook. I see it all the time: People who just can’t put their phone down to save their lives. I recently had lunch with someone who texted or talked on the phone the whole time. Super rude — but beyond rudeness, it was such a reflection of the fact that they needed to be doing that or they’d have to actually connect with someone (me). And get real. And face things. You know what’s easier? Texting.

Jane's dilemma in 'The Waiting Sky' is whether she'll choose to let chaos drive her life, or if she'll step away from the storm.

Another thing I do? I eat. I’m not a sweets girl, though. Instead, I choose super crunchy things so all I hear is the sound of the food in my mouth. And then you know what I don’t have to hear then? My own thoughts. I don’t have to feel whatever uncomfortable feelings are rising up in me. Like the fact that I’m upset about something at work. Or I feel like a loser because I totally can’t seem to write my fourth book. Nope. None of it. Because the crunch of the food is creating what sounds like a storm, and I can focus on that instead.

Here are a few more I’ve done and seen: Making bad choices so that the aftermath of the decision creates fires I have to put out. Starting fights to have something to focus on. Packing my calendar full of activity! so I don’t have to be intimate with anyone or anything. Reading so much I’m living an escapist life.

I could go on, but I won’t because it’s clear these are empty strategies. The only way out is through, as a wise person once said. Feel the emotions. Face the situation. Whatever it takes.

Easier said than done, that’s for sure. I want to eat a super crunchy cracker just writing this post.

We’ve created a culture where it’s super easy to have mini tornadoes spinning all around you. The question is, will you choose the chaos? Or will you walk away from the storm and choose to be present in something other than swirling drama?

That’s Jane’s big question. If you want, you can read chapter one of ‘The Waiting Sky’ here.

Helping After the Storm

March 16th, 2012

Last night, tornadoes hit close to home. Literally. It’s one thing to research and write a book about tornadoes, as I did with ‘The Waiting Sky,’ but it’s another thing entirely when they destroy homes and lives around you.

This image comes from Baynews 9 TV, and they have a slideshow of the damage here.

It’s hard to know how to help in these situations. One of the best solutions is to support the Red Cross as they help the people who lost their homes. (Fortunately, there was no loss of life with this storm.) The Red Cross of Southeast Michigan is already setting up a shelter at the middle school in Dexter, Michigan — the town most severely hit. You can learn more about their efforts here, and there’s also a donation button.

I just gave. I want to do more, but for right now, supporting the people on the ground who have the tools to help, seems like the right course of action. My thoughts and prayers are with the families affected by this storm.

YouTube Preview Image

This video shows the tornado approaching Dexter homes.

 

See Jane!

February 11th, 2012

I love celebrating milestones, so when The Waiting Sky was finally edited and approved for publication (August 2, 2012 baby!) I wanted to mark the occasion in a fabulous way.

Celebrating 'The Waiting Sky' with Dick and Jane.

As you may know from posts like this and this, Rob and I love to visit antique stores. So when a local store had an old-school Dick and Jane book for sale, I paid attention.

You see, the main character in The Waiting Sky is named Jane, and in some ways the Dick and Jane text fit her perfectly. “Oh, see Jane!” is pretty much what you want to say as she begins to figure out who she is, and to manage the complex relationships around her. The picture of Jane riding off into the distance, leaving Dick behind (heh) is awesome.

I bought the book and had two of the pages framed. They hang side-by-side in my office and I am delighted every time I look at them.

For Aggie Winchester, I celebrated the book’s publication with these Fluevog “Munster” shoes, and I love those too. But the Dick and Jane art might be my favorite. Sometimes the simplest words can have the biggest impact.

A Sneak Peek at THE WAITING SKY

December 19th, 2011

Do you want to read the first chapter of The Waiting Sky? Well, good! Because I’m sharing it with you right now! If you like what you read, I hope you will consider going to your local bookstore and requesting an advance copy (it comes out August 2, 2012), or asking your local library to order it when it comes available.

And now, without further ado [insert drumroll here] … The Waiting Sky, chapter one!!

[start]

Even though there’s a black wedge of sky in front of me that might drop a twister at any second, I can’t get my mom’s voice out of my head. Not even the sirens blasting in the nearby town can drown it out.

“Come back home.”

“I miss you so much.”

“I’m no good without my Janey.”

It’s Jane, not Janey, I tell her in my mind. Plain Jane. Rain-wrapped Jane. Never-again Jane.

Not that I ever say anything. In real life, I let her call me whatever she wants because, let’s face it, reasoning with a drunk is a lot like trying to train a chicken. After a while, you just let the thing squawk and flap and hope it doesn’t escape the coop.

The sky is really rotating now. The Tornado Brothers—or Torbros for short—have all gone quiet, waiting. The sirens are lost in the howling wind.

At the far corner of the field we’re standing in, a tornado starts to descend. Dust on the ground whips up. I see the manic swirls of dirt and hay and grass, and there’s my mom again—all chaos and mess . . . and cleanup when it’s over.

“Jane! You getting pictures?” My brother, Ethan, is smiling, pointing at the clouds. The winds have whisked his blond hair into a fauxhawk, which would be hilarious if he wasn’t standing a quarter mile away from a spinning vortex of death. But in the mouth of Mother Nature’s fury, Ethan’s totally at ease, and I wonder if it’s because he’s studied weather for years, or because he figured out a long time ago the things that really hurt you don’t usually fall from the sky.

I hoist the camera hanging around my neck and start snapping photos, even though I’m still not used to taking pictures in all this wind. The pressure changes are making my ears pop, and my mouth is clamped tight since I got dirt stuck in my teeth last week. But still, dirty teeth and life-threatening storms are better than being back in Minnesota, with my mom stumbling in and out of the apartment, and my best friend, Cat, trying to make my life Leave-It-to-Beaver perfect like hers, which, I guess I shouldn’t be mad about. At least she’s trying to do something—trying in her way to help me—which is more than what I’d do if my best friend almost killed me.

The storm is roaring, but the twister can’t decide what it wants to do. Wispy funnels form again and again but don’t stick around long enough to become full-fledged tornados. I snap a picture of Ethan, his head tilted back, staring at the sky. It’s a funny moment to realize we have the same nose, but I guess we do—thin and straight and strong. It’s some of the only proof that we’re related, I think. Especially because Ethan has a tendency to abandon people, and I’m the stick-around type. Or at least I was.

Eventually he tears his eyes away from the clouds to yell at Stephen, the six-foot-six founder of Torbros. “Storm’s moving off!”

“Yeah, but ’nother one’s coming!” Stephen hollers back, his voice rumbly like thunder. I look where he’s pointing, and sure enough, after a short break in the clouds, there’s another bruise-colored sky headed our way.

I know this is the part where I’m supposed to feel the rush, supposed to get all excited about Mother Nature’s unpredictability, but the truth is I don’t. I’m not a weather junkie. I’m just here to take pictures for the Torbros website, a summer job Ethan rigged for me. Normally, I never would have left Mom for a day, much less a whole summer. But Ethan asked, and things at home were pretty messed up after what happened with Cat. So here I am. End of story.

Except that it’s not the end of the story. Not by a long shot—especially now that Ethan’s asked me to live with him after the weather season’s wrapped.

As if he knows I’m thinking about him, Ethan’s face looms suddenly at the end of my lens. “We gotta go,” he says over the wind. “Hail in a minute. Get to the van.” He doesn’t even wait for me to reply—he just runs off to help load up some of the equipment with our tech guy, Mason, who has freckles covering practically every square inch of his body.

I let the camera go and start jogging toward the van, but I stop when I reach Hallie, the one “sister” among the Tornado Brothers. She’s kneeling in the prairie grass, hunched over Polly, one of our weather instruments. The muscles on her thin arms strain as she works to adjust knobs and dials.

“Hey,” I say, raising my voice against the storm, “we gotta hustle! Hail any second.”

Hallie looks up, and her normally pretty face is crumpled. Her brown eyes remind me of the splintered wood and crushed houses we see after a tornado. “The data’s gone,” she says. “I can’t get Polly to work.” The wind tosses her words so quickly that I almost don’t catch them.

I glance at Polly’s spinning instruments, taking in the buttons, switches, and meters covering her stainless-steel core the size of a small microwave. I don’t understand everything about how Polly works, but I know that—one—the Torbros love her and say she’s going to put them ahead of every other chaser in the field, and—two—we have to get her out of here because the minute that hail comes crashing down, Polly is toast.

“Where’s Victor?” I ask. Victor is Stephen’s brother and cofounder of the Torbros. He had shirts made that said torbros: we chase chicks and storms, and when Hallie and I said we didn’t want to wear them, he told us we should change the word chicks to dicks, like that was all it took. Victor’s also the brainchild behind Polly, so anything that happens with her, he takes personally.

“He went to get something from the van,” Hallie says. “The minute he took off, Polly crashed. I wanted to get her up and running before he came back.”

I squint at the vehicle, but I can’t see Victor. He must be inside it, all buckled in, ready to take off. Which is nuts. If Victor has put his own safety over Polly’s, then the weather is about to get seriously bad.

“Hallie,” I say, pulling on her arm, “come on. Get up. Victor’s not coming back. I’ll help you carry Polly, but we need to move. Now.”

Hallie shakes her head, fiddling some more with Polly’s instrumentation. “No way. If I leave now, Victor will never let this go.”

On our last chase, Victor made a point of saying that women belong in the lab, analyzing data—not out on chases. Me he tolerates because, technically I’m not doing any of the scientific work. But Hallie—not so much. Which makes this whole situation more than a little ironic, considering Hallie’s the one out here trying to jump-start his supposedly beloved project, all while he’s sitting in the van.

“Hallie—” I want to tell her that if Victor tries to say anything about Polly crashing, she can point out his ass-in-the-van neglect. But she doesn’t let me finish.

“Give me two minutes.”

I look at the churning green sky and feel the ice-cold air through my long-sleeved shirt. Hallie knows as well as I do we don’t have two minutes. The rest of the team is already in the van, save Ethan, who’s standing next to it. He cups his hands around his mouth and yells something at us, but it’s lost in the frigid, shrieking air.

“Hallie,” I say, praying her name comes out like it does at home, when I say “Mom,” after things have gone far enough.

The steely, determined look in Hallie’s eyes ebbs. “I know,” she says finally. “I know I’m being stupid. I just—God. Victor’s going to be such an asshat about this.”

I nod, thinking we’re going to get back to the van just fine, when the first hailstone lands on my shoulder. “Ow!”

“Shit!” Hallie yells. She scrambles to her feet, and together we haul Polly out of the grass, racing as fast as we can toward the van.

Hail pelts my back and shoulders and head. I bend over Polly, trying to protect her, and Hallie does the same. I think about stories I’ve read where people get stoned to death and wonder if this is what they experienced. My body is on fire.

When we reach the van, my brother and Stephen are just inside the sliding door. Their hands are outstretched, their faces white. They pull Polly from us first, then I toss Hallie at them. One last stone comes crashing down on my head as I throw myself into the van. Everything goes fuzzy and gray.

My mom reaches me in my haze.

“You’re there for Polly—for a machine—but you won’t come back to me in Minnesota?”

I’m not sure if the pain I feel is from the hailstones or the guilt.

My brother’s talking to me, but his voice is underwater. We’re all floating on dark waves. I press my palms against my eyes and let the blackness suck at me. I picture a twister carrying me up and away—past the clouds and over the rainbow—back to Minnesota. “Where you belong,” my mom says. “Home.”

Except, of course, that Minnesota doesn’t feel like home. Not anymore, anyway. Neither does Oklahoma. Or Nebraska. Or Kansas, for that matter.

I can click my heels together all I want, but there’s just no place to go.

[end]

Covers and Winners!

November 2nd, 2011

There is a so much to catch up on!

First, thank you to everyone who submitted a Halloween costume story. I laughed at and loved ALL of them. But only one person could be the winner of Carrie Harris’s fabulous Bad Taste in Boys and that winner is … Evan!

Your story about traumatizing a small child with your costume had me laughing out loud. I know you probably won’t read this book so maybe please give it to your wifey.

Congrats!

The other thing? That I have to tell you? Is SO huge. It’s epic. It’s THE COVER FOR MY NEXT BOOK! Sorry to scream, but here it is!!

Homg, I love the colors and, come on, any young adult novel cover featuring a freaking tornado is a win! Amirite?

Here is the book description so you can get as excited about it as I am!!

Seventeen-year-old Jane McAllister, fleeing a troubled relationship with her alcoholic mom, spends a summer in the plains chasing — of all things — tornados. Somehow the chaos of tornados seems a lot more manageable than her very messy life back home. But, whether Jane returns home to a life of caring for her mother, or whether she  strikes out in a different direction becomes the big question. And everyone — her brother, her best friend, and especially the handsome Max — has an opinion on what Jane should do.

But when her mother shows up in Tornado Alley drunk, insisting she come home, Jane fears she may have run out of options. The thought of a new life feels very far away, but not as far away as the last tornado Jane may ever chase, putting not only her life in danger, but the lives of the very people who may care about her most.

*peels self off the ceiling*

*goes upstairs to get ready for work*