Lara Zielin

Have you ever pulled off the perfect prank? The one that has you laughing so hard you cry and maybe pee your pants a little? One that’s both funny and cheeky — but doesn’t hurt anyone or damage any property? I can only think of one time I pulled off a prank that met that criteria. I was at the mall with friends, and I was sixteen.

You might think this prank takes place IN the mall, but oh no. It takes place just OUTSIDE the mall. As we were leaving, we spotted some yellow caution tape cordoning off a part of the sidewalk (I think they’d just repaired the sidewalk), just outside the main doors. Here, let me set the stage for you.

(Side note: I have NO IDEA why it was called London Square Mall either. This was Wisconsin, about as far from Piccadilly Circle and Her Majesty as you could get. But props to them for trying to be creative.)

We were all staring at the caution tape. And I think we were all thinking about the sidewalk chalk we’d just purchased. A whole, huge tub of it, just waiting to be opened and used.

And so you can imagine what we did. We drew a crime scene behind the yellow tape.

My friend Cara, brave soul, actually laid down on the sidewalk so we could get the outline right.

We were fast. Exacting. Ninjas of chalk, really.

And then, when we were finished, a bus pulled up. A whole, huge bus full of old people being taken to the mall on an outing. And through the glass, I could see their eyes as they took in the (crime) scene we’d just created. And it looked something like this:

And then? We nearly couldn’t make it to our car because we had lost it with laughter.

Later that afternoon, we returned to the, uh, scene of the crime, and there was a huge puddle of water where someone had washed away all the chalk.

To this day, I love thinking about the complaints that prompted that cleanup.

When your birthday falls right around Thanksgiving (sometimes on Thanksgiving, as mine does this year), it’s easy to feel like your special day gets usurped by visits from relatives, meal prep, and eating pumpkin pie instead of birthday cake.

Which is why, when I was little, my mom found a way to marry the two events (my birth and Thanksgiving, that is) in the coolest way ever. She made turkey cookies.

In grade school, we had to bring in treats to share with our classmates when it was  birthday time. Which, for the record, I’m pretty sure this is a tradition that dates back to the dinosaurs. I’m almost positive there were brontosauruses who had to bring in, like, hunks of redwood trees to share with the rest of the class when it was their birthday. Anyway, when I was a kid, the other moms would bring in cupcakes. Or Oreos. Or some flavorless cake from the grocery store. But not one of them — not one — brought in turkey cookies. I was the only one who had the mom who did that, because I was the only turkey baby in the bunch.

My turkey cookies for the office this year. Don't worry, I made more than three.

I loved it so much — that special feeling it gave me, of being born at an awesome time of year and being celebrated with something so unique — that I still make turkey cookies to this day. Usually I bring them into the office, and I try not to be all like, “Look, I am a turkey baby and this is what my people do!”

As you can see from the photo, it’s not exactly rocket science. You get a ginger snap, coat it with some frosting (or melt chocolate and spread it on top if you’re really ambitious) and stick candy to it. Candy corn for the tail, a Hershey’s kiss for the body, and a Boston baked bean for the head.

Whammo. Instant Awesome Person Status.

I’m thankful that my mom tried to bring a splash of creativity to our little Wisconsin school. I’m also thankful — not to suddenly wax cheesy or anything — for the amazing year that I’ve had, especially with the release of Aggie Winchester. Thanks for reading this blog, supporting my writing and sharing a turkey cookie with me this time of year.

Armfulls of cheese! Grade school teachers! Contrived prom poses! Leinenkugels!

You know a book tour is going to be awesome when it combines all of those things.

Last Thursday, Rob and I left Michigan bound for Minnesota and then Wisconsin — ostensibly to talk about Aggie Winchester with some folks.

Our first stop was to see my college roommate, Elena. She is awesome and is not afraid to share pictures of prom. Like this one:

Elena might have posted that picture because when I visited her book club to discuss Aggie, she asked people to bring prom photos. Excited, I totally brought an album of mine. (There may or may not have been cats on the album cover.)

Elena got about three pictures in and started laughing hysterically. I mean, really hard.

And I was all like, what? I didn’t have big hair on my prom night. My dress wasn’t obnoxious. My date was cute and not wearing a powder-blue tuxedo. So WHAT?

Turns out it was this.

Elena about died when she saw me propping up the china cabinet like that. It was worse than those senior picture photos with people leaning against trees. It was worse than the grade school photos with the crooked teeth. It was — well, I think she might have cried a little, she was laughing so hard. So, needless to say, it was sweet of her to share her own photos after she guffawed at mine. But that’s Elena. She rules that way.

Elena also shared (with her book club) pictures of when she and I and some other girls crashed a high school prom. When we were in college. That’s a whole different blog post, so I’ll just share a picture from that night here:

For our next stop, Rob and I headed to the Land of 10,000 Lakes — a.k.a. Minnesota — and we hung out at my friend Erica’s house. With another book club! This time filled with all kinds of awesome women from high school. Which, let me tell you, was both HILARIOUS and fabulous. Unfortunately, I don’t have pics from that event yet, so as a placeholder, here is a photo of me and Erica:

And then I went to my hometown of Eau Claire! Which is in Wisconsin, the very best state there is!

And you know who showed up at my book club there? LOTS of people! Including … brace for it … my fifth- and third-grade teachers! Here is me and Mrs. S., who I credit with helping me become a writer:

Words really can’t express how much this meant to me. There was also an English teacher from high school there, and lots of wonderful high school friends who showed up just because. It was amazing, and I’m so grateful for the chance to reconnect with so many of the people there. And during a Packer Game no less!

No trip to Wisconsin is complete without a visit to the Leinenkugel’s Brewery and without loading up on cheese. Which we did.

Okay, which I did.

Not long thereafter, my mom showed her her new gun. Which, if you know my mom, is both horrifying and completely out of character. She sort of shrugged it off and said, “Well, look how small it is.”

Weapons aside, I loved every minute of this trip.

I loved talking about Aggie with people who were excited about the book. And I loved the excuse to post more prom and cheese photos.

My bags aren’t unpacked yet. I think because part of me is hoping Rob and I will jump in the car and do it all over again.

If you live in Wisconsin or near Wisconsin or if you’ve ever wanted to visit Wisconsin (because it’s awesome!), please consider saying hello as I talk about The Implosion of Aggie Winchester IN WISCONSIN!

I’ll be in Eau Claire on September 18 at 3:00, doing a reading and signing at the Coffee Grounds, which is located at 3460 Mall Drive (just off highway 93).

Let me give you a visual:

I hope you can come! Books will be for sale on site. If you have any questions, you can email me at: new [dot] zielind [at] gmail [dot] com.

On Wisconsin!