Why We Choose Chaos
April 30th, 2012
April is drawing to a close, which means this will be my last post for Tornado Awareness Month. These 30 days have been full of a lot of real-life weather information, a lot of practical and educational stuff, even a song about chasing storms, but not a lot about weather as … a metaphor. Which is sort of funny considering my third book is all about weather as a metaphor.
In ‘The Waiting Sky,’ tornadoes represent chaos — both literally in the protagonist, Jane’s, life (she’s’ in Tornado Alley, after all!) and also figuratively, in the sense that her alcoholic mom is a huge form of chaos. She roars through like a twister and upends everything.
Jane’s choice in the book is whether or not she’ll choose chaos: Will she live her life in the storm, or will she set out on a different path? It might sound like a simple setup, but how many of us choose to infuse our lives with chaos all the time without realizing it? I think for this last Tornado Awareness Month post, I want to chat about all the ways in which we chase storms so that we don’t have to deal with … other stuff. Our emotions. Our realities. Our selves.
I’ll start.
Sometimes, it’s really hard for me to put down my phone. And instead of putting it away and connecting with my emotions or thinking about what went down during the day, I’ll just pick up my phone and play a game or text or do Facebook. I see it all the time: People who just can’t put their phone down to save their lives. I recently had lunch with someone who texted or talked on the phone the whole time. Super rude — but beyond rudeness, it was such a reflection of the fact that they needed to be doing that or they’d have to actually connect with someone (me). And get real. And face things. You know what’s easier? Texting.
Jane's dilemma in 'The Waiting Sky' is whether she'll choose to let chaos drive her life, or if she'll step away from the storm.
Another thing I do? I eat. I’m not a sweets girl, though. Instead, I choose super crunchy things so all I hear is the sound of the food in my mouth. And then you know what I don’t have to hear then? My own thoughts. I don’t have to feel whatever uncomfortable feelings are rising up in me. Like the fact that I’m upset about something at work. Or I feel like a loser because I totally can’t seem to write my fourth book. Nope. None of it. Because the crunch of the food is creating what sounds like a storm, and I can focus on that instead.
Here are a few more I’ve done and seen: Making bad choices so that the aftermath of the decision creates fires I have to put out. Starting fights to have something to focus on. Packing my calendar full of activity! so I don’t have to be intimate with anyone or anything. Reading so much I’m living an escapist life.
I could go on, but I won’t because it’s clear these are empty strategies. The only way out is through, as a wise person once said. Feel the emotions. Face the situation. Whatever it takes.
Easier said than done, that’s for sure. I want to eat a super crunchy cracker just writing this post.
We’ve created a culture where it’s super easy to have mini tornadoes spinning all around you. The question is, will you choose the chaos? Or will you walk away from the storm and choose to be present in something other than swirling drama?
That’s Jane’s big question. If you want, you can read chapter one of ‘The Waiting Sky’ here.
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